A guest blog, by Charlie K

Charlie is a former youth worker, campaigner, and healthcare advocate. He successfully campaigned for political parties to include Deaf Education in schools, and runs a successful community group that supports the LGBTQIA+ Community with disabilities, chronic illnesses, mental health conditions, and neurodiverse identities.

When I was a child, my mother told me to refer to my vulva and vagina as a ‘pee-pee’, and I always wondered why this was. Was it because the real name was so wrong or dirty that we had to use innuendos? Was it because she was projecting her own shame and embarrassment onto me? Or was it because that was just how she was taught by her mother?

Throughout this blog, we will explore why it is that we don’t teach children and young people the right words for their anatomy from a young age, and the importance of correcting that for future generations.

Why is it ‘socially unacceptable’ to use the right words for genitalia?

It is in a young person’s best interest to learn about their bodies to protect themselves and others from harm. Sexual Violence Educator, Kate Rohdenburg, sits down with the young people in her classrooms and asks them to identify the parts of the body (Buni, 2013).

"Face!" "Nose!" "Belly!" "Mouth!" "Toes!" shout the children, as they engage with the session. All of these features are so normal to us, yet there is still such a stigma attached to one part of the body that belongs to those with vulvas and vaginas. There is an inherent undercurrent of shame attached to these parts like it is somehow wrong to have one or to hold any feelings about having it, good or bad.

The ‘shame’ that we are taught throughout childhood leads to young people being unable to communicate about their health or safety with trusted adults, and any adults feeling awkward or unable to discuss their bodies with potential partners or medical professionals. The Eve Appeal, a charity that supports people with gynaecological cancers, found in 2016 that over 65% of young people with vulvas and vaginas do not feel comfortable using those words, with 40% of young people continuing to use euphemisms to describe their genitalia (The Eve Appeal, 2016).

The Origins of Censorship

Exploring the history of the anatomical names for our genitalia may partially explain why we don’t use the actual names for our anatomy, yet this is not to say that we cannot change this in the modern day.

Both ‘Vagina’ and ‘Vulva’ derive from Seventeenth Century Latin, with ‘Vagina’ meaning ‘sheath’ or ‘scabbard’, an item that was used to protect a sword, with ‘Vulva’ meaning ‘to revolve or wrap’ (Rosen, 2024; Harper, no dateB; Harper, no dateC). The implication being that the vulva and vagina are secondary to the ‘sword’ it protects (Rosen, 2024). Outside of the English language, Dutch and German share the same name for the labia, the folds of skin on the vulva, ‘Shaamlippen/Schamlippen’. The literal translation of this in English isn’t actually labia however, it is ‘shame lips’ (Schaamteloos, no date; Schechter, no date). Dutch campaigners have been working to fight the shame, and instead change the name to ‘vulvalippen’ or in English, Vulva Lips (Schaamteloos, no date).

The language of shame is not solely surrounding vulvas and vaginas, although they are the main focus. The nerve that provides sensation to our genitals regardless of sex is referred to as the ‘Pudendal Nerve’. The word ‘Pudenda’ which gives the Nerve its full name also derives from Latin, and translates to ‘thing to be ashamed of’ (Physiopedia contributors, 2023; Harper, no dateA).

60% of the English language derives from Latin, specifically the neo-Latin era of 1500-1900 (Ben-Menahem, 2009, p. 5581). Subsequently, most language used to describe genitals derives from this period. Latin was the language of the ‘upper class’, with religious leaders and academics forging new works during this “scientific revolution” (Butterfield, 1959, p. viii). Unfortunately, people with vulvas were typically excluded from academia, and even if they were educated (which only the upper classes had access to), they would be looked down upon (McCallum-Barry, 2016). The conservatism of the era has formed the basis for our language today. It is no wonder then that there is a sense of embarrassment about genitals, considering a lot of the language we use to describe them historically excludes or shames them!

Censorship Today

Such a narrative in today’s society is perpetuated throughout TV shows, social media, and companies, with censorship on mentions of the vulva “not complying with guidelines” (Popat et al., 2022), whilst penises face no such restrictions. In 2007, the writers of Grey’s Anatomy were asked to omit the word “vagina”, and instead they coined the euphemism, “vajayjay” when a surgeon's character was discussing labour and delivery.

In 2020, Family Guy was not allowed to use ‘vagina’ in a scene, and instead coined the term “cleeman” to avoid censorship (Popat et al., 2022). Additionally, social media apps like TikTok will remove videos of people mentioning vaginas, so, people use words like ‘virginia’ or ‘v*g*na’ to avoid videos getting flagged and banned. Similarly, if you wished to engrave the word ‘clit’ or ‘vagina’ onto an Apple iPhone, it does not allow it due to “inappropriate language”, yet ‘penis’ or ‘dick’ are perfectly fine (Tamblyn, 2014).

Renowned illustrator, Liv Strömquist, expands on the language of vulvas and vaginas in her book, ‘Fruit of Knowledge: The Vulva vs. the Patriarchy’. Exploring the censorship, exclusion, and shame surrounding the vulva, she comes to one conclusion. The lack of accurate language and illustrations used for actual vulvas, not the barbie-doll vulvas that are often depicted in media, could be classed as “psychic genital mutilation”, in other words, the mental removal of vulvas in the societal zeitgeist (Strömquist, 2014, p. 39).

The censorship and shame surrounding the correct terms for vulvas is so deeply ingrained in modern society, yet there are no good reasons to replace these. It is important to use the proper terms, not just to combat the shame of talking, but for the safety of young people, for them to look after their health, and to communicate their needs properly.

Why is it important to use the right terms to describe our anatomy?

Shame

Naturally, we teach children that their penises and vulvas are known as ‘private parts’ for good reason. Teaching young children that their bodies are their own can establish powerful ideas around bodily autonomy from the beginning. However, ‘private’ is different from ‘shameful’.

Vulvas and vaginas serve important functions, from providing people with pleasure to creating new life. It is not shameful to own vulvas, and only by more openly discussing the actual names of bodies can we truly eradicate the culture of shame, and clearly communicate our needs.

Clarity and Communication

When I asked my friends why they believed it was important to use the right names for our anatomy, one of them said, “You wouldn’t call a leg a walky arm, so why would you call any other part of your body anything different?”. This sentiment has also been echoed by the American Academy of Paediatrics (2023) in one of their Child Abuse Prevention Month posts. Children and young people need to know the differences between an appropriate touch and not, and when it is time to report any unwanted interactions to a trusted adult.

Miscommunication occurs when code names are given to genitalia. Young people must be taught the correct names for their anatomy so that they can communicate with any professionals if they have an issue with their vulvas or vaginas; so that they can tell any future partners what they do and don’t like; as well as understand their bodies. We will discuss child sexual assault later in this blog, but it is important to state here that when a child makes a disclosure to a trusted adult regarding their experiences, it is very easy to misinterpret if the correct names are not used.

If a young person states that “[someone] touched my ‘cookie’”, this can have varying consequences if taken at face value compared to the euphemistic reference to penis/vagina. It is important to prevent harm to children and give young people the vocabulary to ensure their safety and feel empowered (Kenny and Wurtele, 2008, p.74).

The communication issues are not restricted solely to children and young adults, however. When polling women* aged 26-35, only half were able to correctly identify the vulva, vagina, womb, cervix, and ovaries on a basic diagram (Eve Appeal, 2016). It is impossible to communicate clearly with those around us and understand our experiences when we are not given the words or the power to do so.

*Please note that we are using language here that is used in the poll, we prefer the terms ‘People with Vaginas’ and ‘People with vulvas’.

Safety

Sadly, research has shown that 1 in 3 people with vulvas and 1 in 20 of those with penises will be sexually assaulted by the time they are 17 (American Academy of Paediatrics, 2023). Unfortunately, these numbers are likely higher as young people may feel ashamed or embarrassed to disclose their experiences of assault - feelings we work towards combatting.

If genitals are already seen as something ‘wrong’ to openly discuss, it’s no wonder people may be reluctant to disclose their experiences to trusted adults.

Health

If you have a health issue, you see a doctor and explain what’s wrong. You’ve tripped and twisted your ankle, you can explain that to your GP. You’ve bumped your head, you discuss that with your GP. But, when there is a gynaecological issue, lots of people with vulvas don’t know how to describe it, or might not feel comfortable speaking to their doctor about it. In a society that perpetuates the notion of shame surrounding discussing vulval anatomy, it is completely understandable why, but it does not have to be this way.

In 2022, a survey conducted by the UK Department of Health and Social Care (DHSC), found that on average, 84% of women* in the UK felt they had not been listened to by healthcare professionals. Although a similar percentage (85%) felt comfortable speaking to medical professionals about general healthcare concerns, only 64-77% of those surveyed were comfortable discussing a range of gynaecological and hormonal conditions (Department of Health and Social Care, 2022).

Discussing anatomy empowers us to be able to hold open conversations and helps normalise our bodily functions. After all, everyone experiences health issues throughout their life in different parts of their bodies. Being able to describe accurately where you’re experiencing symptoms, whether in the ovaries, vulva, uterus, etc. helps get more targeted support for that area.

*This is the language that is used in the study, we prefer the terms ‘People with Vaginas’ and ‘People with vulvas’.

The importance of teaching children and young people the correct terms for their anatomy cannot be reiterated enough. Not only does it aid in removing shame or embarrassment from the discussions, but it also promotes clarity in communications, as well as aids in keeping them safe and healthy. We need to be able to openly discuss genitals just like any other body part, it keeps everyone safe and healthy in the long run.

How do I talk to my children about their penis/vagina?

See our blog post here about Tackling Tricky Topics!

What we do

At School of Sexuality Education, we ensure we teach young people accurate terms for body parts. We never shame them for any words they have or use - for example because they are considered ‘childish’ or ‘rude’. But we do let them know that using factual and accurate language can be useful for keeping bodies happy and healthy. Our approach is rights-based, inclusive and trauma-informed. We support young people and those working with them to ensure everyone has access to a complete, inclusive and comprehensive relationships and sex(uality) education.

We facilitate educational sessions designed to make children and young people feel empowered to make informed decisions about their lives and the lives of others that they may interact with.

Regardless of the format, the School of Sexuality Education’s aim is always the same: to provide young people with the knowledge, skills and attributes to build healthier lives and develop a more equitable society.

Sources and Further Reading

American Academy of Paediatrics (2023), 10 Tips for Parents to Teach Children about Body Safety and Boundaries, Available at: aap.org/en/news-room/news-releases/health--safety-tips/10-tips-for-parents-to-teach-children-about-body-safety-and-boundaries/.

Ben-Manahem, A. (2009), Historical Encyclopedia of Natural and Mathematical Sciences, Germany: Springer.

Buni, C. (2013), The Case for Teaching Kids 'Vagina,' 'Penis,' and 'Vulva', The Atlantic, Available at: theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/the-case-for-teaching-kids-vagina-penis-and-vulva/274969/.

Butterfield, H. (1959), The Origins of Modern Science 1300 - 1800, [eBook] New York: The Macmillan Company, Available at: archive.org/details/originsofmoderns007291mbp/page/n7/mode/2up.

Department of Health and Social Care (2022), Call for evidence outcome: Results of the ‘Women’s Health - Let’s talk about it’ survey, Available at: gov.uk/government/calls-for-evidence/womens-health-strategy-call-for-evidence/outcome/results-of-the-womens-health-lets-talk-about-it-survey.

Eve Appeal (2016), Why ‘vagina’ should be part of every woman’s vocabulary, Available at: eveappeal.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/The-Eve-Appeal-Vagina-Dialogues.pdf.

Schechter, F. (no date), Stigma and Shame Lips: Interview With Florence Schechter, Director of The Vagina Museum, Available at: ellaone.co.uk/magazine/features/stigma-and-shame-lips-interview-with-florence-schechter-director-of-the-vagina-museum/.

Harper, D. (no dateA), Etymology of pudendum, Online Etymology Dictionary, Available at: etymonline.com/word/pudendum.

Harper, D (no dateB), Etymology of vagina, Online Etymology Dictionary, Available at: etymonline.com/word/vagina.

Harper, D. (no dateC), Etymology of vulva, Online Etymology Dictionary, Available at: etymonline.com/search?q=vulva.

Kenny, M. C., and Wurtele, S. K. (2008), Toward Prevention of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Preschoolers’ Knowledge of Genital Body Parts, In: Plakhotnik, M. S., and Nielsen, S. M. (eds), Proceedings of the Seventh Annual Collect of Education Research Conference: Urban and Educational Section, Miami: Florida International University, pp. 74-79, Available at: digitalcommons.fiu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1121&context=sferc.

McCallum-Barry, C. (2016), 'Learned Women of the Renaissance and Early Modern Period in Italy and England: The Relevance of their Scholarship', In: Rosie Wyles, and Edith Hall (eds), Women Classical Scholars: Unsealing the Fountain from the Renaissance to Jacqueline de Romilly, Classical Presences. Available at: doi.org/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780198725206.003.0002.

Physiopedia contributors (2023), Pudendal Nerve, Available at: physio-pedia.com/Pudendal_Nerve.

Popat, S., Horwitz, R., Eilber, K., and Lee, U. (2022), “Vagina” is not a bad word: historical and contemporary censorship of the word “Vagina”, Journal of Urology, 207(5), p. e215, Available at: auajournals.org/doi/abs/10.1097/JU.0000000000002541.11.

Rosen, G (2024), Why Do We Call the Vagina Everything but “Vagina”?, Available at: evvy.com/blog/censoring-vagina.

Shaamteloos (no date), Vulvalippen, Available at: schaamteloos.org/en.

Strömquist, L (2014), Fruit of Knowledge: The Vulva vs. the Patriarchy, Translated by: Bowers, M., London: Virago.

Tamblyn, T. (2014), Apple Will Let You Engrave The Word ‘Penis’ But Not ‘Vagina’ On An iPad, Huffpost, Available at: huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/07/11/apple-ipad-engraving-sexism_n_5576866.html.