Talking About Harm: Why Nuance Matters in RSE

A recent Guardian article explored the rise of choking during sex. The views that were most prominently centred in this piece included those that portrayed this as a ‘horrifying’ practice, one where there is ‘no safe way to do it’.

The piece has led to strong reactions, prompting comments from the public with concerns about choking being ‘normalised’ for young people and worries about expectations in intimate relationships.

At School of Sexuality Education, we welcome serious journalism that explores sexuality and sex - including work that draws attention to potential harms. However, we often find that reporting focuses on one specific act rather than the surrounding attitudes and practices that drive the actual harm. This misses the point and undermines the work of educators striving to keep young people safe. Nuance matters when we talk about harm. 

Shame-free, harm prevention-focused Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE) can be part of the solution.

Sensationalism doesn’t educate

Framing certain sexual acts as inherently dangerous or harmful, without context, can stoke fear and capture the audience’s attention. But fear is not the basis for good education. What’s often missing from these narratives is the why. Why do some people engage in certain sexual behaviours? Why are some harmed, while others are not? And crucially, how can young people be supported to explore sex safely and communicate clearly?

Safelives (2022) found that some students had a perception that their school feel they are not mature enough to engage in discussions of sexual harassment and violence. This, despite the issue being a very real concern for them.

As an RSE charity, we work with thousands of students across the UK every year, helping them to build the skills they need to communicate consent and boundaries. What we know from experience and evidence is this: it’s not just a particular act that causes harm, it’s the communication and attitudes around it.

A sense of entitlement to sex and another’s body, lack of regard for a partner’s pleasure or comfort, and power imbalances leading to coercion are the factors we should focus on addressing and educating people about. In our workshops with young people, we focus on the importance of communication around consent and pleasure. We make it clear that this is central to any kind of sex, sexual touching, or other sexual behaviour. Without that focus, we’re not helping young people stay safe. We’re just telling them what not to do, without explaining why or taking time to understand their perspective and cultures.

Porn isn’t the whole story

The article suggests that pornography is to blame for the rise in “risky sex”, with little evidence to support this. While porn can certainly shape people’s expectations and ideas around sex, it’s not always helpful to see it as the only or main cause of harm.

It’s too easy to position harm-doers as passive recipients of media, rather than individuals accountable for their behaviour. It also deflects attention away from what we can actively do to support safety, like helping young people know how to talk about sex in the first place, through teaching critical thinking and media literacy.

What our programmes cover

Our RSE sessions are rooted in empathy, honesty and prevention. We explore:

• What consent really looks like (including what it’s not)

• What pressure is and how to ensure we are not pressuring someone

• How to communicate desire and discomfort

• What healthy, respectful relationships can look and feel like

Talk about harm

Sexual harm is real. It’s serious and needs thoughtful, robust public dialogue that raises awareness. But it also needs accuracy, accountability, space for complexity and an evidence-led approach. 

This report from Rape Crisis highlights the extent that young people are subject to sexual violence in schools and it is unlikely to be driven by ‘extreme porn’. 

We need honest conversations that include the voices of young people, educators, violence prevention experts - including those who are survivors of sexual violence. Relationships and sexuality must be taught in a way that prioritises safety and pleasure, communication, and care.

Reducing harm needs to be led by evidence-based practice, addressing the root causes of sexual violence such as power imbalance, gendered norms and entitlement. 

For more information about our work, email info@schoolofsexed.org.

Why Equity Matters in Education: Social Justice and the Fight for Change

At its core, social justice is about fairness, inclusion, and ensuring that all people, regardless of their background, have access to the same opportunities. Achieving social justice doesn’t just mean treating everyone the same. 

It means recognising the barriers that exist and taking steps to remove them. That’s where equity comes in.

Equity vs. Equality: 

Equality means giving everyone the same resources and opportunities. Equity, on the other hand, acknowledges that not everyone starts from the same place and that some groups face systemic disadvantages that require different levels of support to create a truly fair society. Equity means bringing disadvantaged groups up to the same outcomes of their non-disadvantaged peers. 

Nowhere is this more evident than in education. Schools should be places of learning, growth, and empowerment, but too often, we see young people being held back by structural inequalities. We work to tackle these injustices head-on.

What can inequity look like in schools?

Here are just a few examples of the social justice issues we come across in our work:

Discriminatory school policies – students from low-income backgrounds can be excluded from education because of strict uniform policies or the inability to afford school supplies. Instead of addressing the root causes of poverty, schools often punish students for circumstances beyond their control. 

A free school uniform policy guidance for schools is available on our website. This guidance is the outcome of a UCL Community Engaged Learning project and outlines how teachers/senior leaders can consider uniform policy in a way that centres children's rights and well-being.

Underrepresentation among educators – education should reflect the diversity of the students it serves, yet there are disproportionately few teachers who are visibly trans, queer, disabled, or people of colour. When students don’t see themselves represented in leadership, they may internalise the idea that certain careers or roles aren’t “for them”.

Illustration by Charlotte Willcox

A Eurocentric curriculum – from history to science and maths, the school curriculum often prioritises the contributions of European scholars while ignoring or erasing knowledge from non-European cultures. It is also not a requirement to teach about the British Empire in the National Curriculum. For instance, we often learn about Pythagoras and his Theorem, but do not acknowledge the mathematical advancements of Islamic, Indian, or African scholars who shaped algebra and geometry long before European mathematicians.

Young people fighting for change

While these injustices are deeply ingrained, young people have consistently been at the forefront of demanding change. Here are some inspiring examples:

Ruby Williams – a student from Hackney who took her school to the European Court of Human Rights after experiencing racial discrimination due to its uniform policy.

Student Walkouts Against Sexist Dress Codes – across the UK and beyond, young people have staged protests against school rules that disproportionately target girls and reinforce gender stereotypes.

Marcus Rashford’s Free School Meals Campaign – the footballer successfully campaigned for the government to extend free school meals, ensuring that children from low-income families didn’t go hungry.

Pimlico Academy Protests – students staged a walkout to challenge racist uniform policies and the school’s decision to raise the Union Jack flag despite student concerns.

Youth-Led Activism – groups like Kids of Colour and The Advocacy Academy are empowering young people to fight for racial and social justice in their schools and communities.

How inclusive RSE can help

One of the ways we can work towards a more just and equitable society is through inclusive, intersectional feminist RSE. By addressing inequalities within relationships, gender roles and power structures, RSE helps young people understand their rights, challenge discrimination, and build more inclusive communities.