How we bust myths and misinformation around HIV / AIDS

Despite improvement in HIV/AIDS education, misinformation persists around transmission, testing, and treatment. Our mission is to dispel these myths and offer accurate information. Here, we share some common thoughts and facts that often surface in our classrooms on HIV/AIDS...

1) You don’t automatically get HIV if you have sex with someone who has it

There's a chance of passing on HIV through some kinds of sex. But taking effective medication for HIV means you can't pass it on. Anti-HIV medication reduces the amount of HIV infection in the body (the 'viral load'). If the viral load is very low it is 'undetectable' and can't be passed on.

2) People who have HIV can still make babies

HIV can be passed from person-to-person through body fluids (like semen), or from a pregnant person to their baby. If someone with HIV is taking effective medication, it reduces the amount of HIV in their body (the 'viral load'). Having a low viral load means that you can't pass on HIV, including through sex or pregnancy.

3) You can pass on HIV through different kinds of sex

Some people tell us they think of HIV as something that only gay men get. But HIV can be passed on from person to person of any sexuality. That's because it can be passed on through different types of sex, where one person's body fluids (e.g. semen or blood) come into contact with another person's body.

4) HIV is not just an issue in low-income countries

Many people believe that HIV/AIDS is confined to low-income countries, particularly in 'African countries.' These views not only perpetuate stereotypes and racist assumptions but also overlook the historical and ongoing inequalities often rooted in colonialism that contribute to the epidemic in these regions. While HIV/AIDS disproportionately affects certain regions with limited resources, it's important to recognise that HIV/AIDs is a global health concern that affects people from all walks of life.

For example, the annual official statistics data release reported “the number of HIV diagnoses in England rose by 22% from 3,118 in 2021 to 3,805 in 2022”.

The prevalence of HIV/AIDS in wealthier countries is often overshadowed by the stigmatisation of regions with fewer resources, but in reality the virus continues to be a global health challenge.

5) Condoms are not the only way to reduce the chance of passing on HIV

Barrier protection like condoms can help to reduce the chance of passing on HIV from person to person through different types of sex. But this is not the only way! Someone can take medication either before (PrEP) or after (PEP) they think they might have come into contact with HIV.

6) HIV is different from AIDS

Although these things are related, they are not quite the same thing! HIV - Human Immunodeficiency Virus - is the name of the infection. AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) is the name of the condition caused by HIV, where there is a lot of the virus in the body and someone's immune system is very weak. With effective medication, an HIV infection can be managed so that it doesn't ever progress to AIDS. So everyone who has AIDS also has an HIV infection, but not everyone who has HIV goes on to develop AIDS. In places like the UK, where many people have free access to anti-HIV medication, most people with HIV do not have AIDS. 

7) You can't pass on HIV through social contact

HIV is passed on by one person's body fluids (like blood, semen or fluid from the vagina, but not saliva or spit) getting inside another person. This can be done through some kinds of sex - for example sex involving a penis penetrating a vagina or anus. It can't be passed from skin-to-skin contact (e.g. shaking hands) or through body fluids like spit, tears, poo or wee (e.g. through kissing or oral sex).

8) You can have HIV without showing symptoms

Sometimes people assume they'll be able to tell if they get HIV because they'll have symptoms of it. But you can have HIV for a long time (often months) without showing signs. The best way to know whether or not you've got HIV, if you've had sex where there's a chance of it being passed on, is through STI testing (see below).

HIV Testing is easy and straightforward! You can get tested via

• An NHS sexual health clinic

• A HIV testing centre

• Your GP

• A HIV self-testing kit - takes a few minutes and involves a finger-prick!

• Postal testing kit

Further information

1. W.H.O.

2. HIV testing, PrEP, new HIV diagnoses and care outcomes for people accessing HIV services: 2023 report - GOV.UK

3. Terrence Higgins Trust

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Tackling Abortion Misinformation on University Campus

We’ve been contacted by some UK students, concerned that an anti-abortion society has been formed on campus - and seems to have been officially recognised by the university. Here are some anti-choice arguments you might hear and why they need to be challenged… 

“Having an abortion involves killing a baby”

No. An abortion is a medical procedure, to intentionally end a pregnancy. In the UK, abortion is allowed up to 24 weeks of development. At this stage a fetus is unable to feel pain(1) or function and live outside of a womb(2). 

“Abortions are dangerous and harmful to pregnant people”

No. Legal abortions are very safe. Having an abortion provided by healthcare professionals is safer than giving birth(3). It is also safer than having your tonsils out(4), running a marathon(4) or even taking viagra(4). 

Meanwhile unsafe abortion (e.g. restricted access to legal, medically supervised care) is a leading cause of preventable deaths of pregnant people(4). 

“Allowing anti-abortion groups to form and carry out their activities on university campuses is an important part of free-speech and democracy”

No. Universities have a duty of care to their students and must ensure their resources are not used to harm them. Whilst everyone is entitled to hold private views on abortion and make decisions about their own bodies and healthcare, anti-choice groups do not exist to support these principles. Instead, they exist to promote stigma and fear around abortion care - as well as to spread misinformation that contradicts leading health authorities such as the WHO, that recognise that abortion care is a common and important part of reproductive healthcare(4).

“Being allowed to express anti-abortion views in public is an important part of religious freedom”

No. People of many faiths choose to have abortions(5). Having access to safe and legal abortions, without shame or fear, does not take away a person’s individual right to decide what is spiritually or ethically right for them. Promoting abortion stigma and misinformation however, does challenge this right. It can cause harm by making it harder for someone to seek abortion care. 

What can you do to challenge harmful anti-abortion views on campus? 

• Encourage accurate and stigma-free abortion discussion with those around you. You might like to share this blog, our mini-series on abortion(6) or projects that portray accurate experiences of abortion(7) to help do this. 

• Report any harm you or other students experience on campus from anti-choice groups - for example to NUS reps, university wellbeing and health services, or your course tutor. 

• Talk to any university groups who might want to help support - perhaps your university’s FemSoc or health education group might want to hold an event or take action around abortion rights. 

References: 

1. RCOG (https://bit.ly/389Rb3P)

2. RCOG (https://bit.ly/3LW14AD)

3. Raymond and Grimes, 2012 (https://bit.ly/389P93G)

4. W.H.O. (https://bit.ly/38UjX8B)

5. Guttmacher Institute (https://bit.ly/3Fm8c77)

6. schoolofsexed.org/blog-articles/2020/4/16

7. msichoices.org.uk/abortion/abortion-stories/

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Our response to the Education Minister

At School of Sexuality Education, we are proud of our inclusive, comprehensive, and evidence-based approach to delivering Relationships and Sex Education. It is something we have always been transparent about and actively promoted. This includes sharing our work directly with parents and carers. We regularly take time to meet with them and not only show them our content, but talk through our approach to those interested in it. 

As such, we are baffled by the recent letters issued by the Secretary of State for Education, Gillian Keegan. In these letters the Minister instructs schools and parents, (other carers and guardians of young people appear to be pointedly excluded in the address), on their rights to see teaching materials used by external providers who are delivering content around relationships, sex and health education (RSHE) within schools.  

We regularly deliver sessions specifically for parents and carers, as well as working with students within homeschools. We know parents and carers are important stakeholders in meeting children and young peoples’ needs. The Education Minister’s letters portray the relationship between parents and specialist RSHE providers as an adversarial one. Not only is this an unhelpful view, but it also does not accurately reflect our experiences. Most of the parents and carers who take the time to engage with us are pleased (relieved even) that someone is taking the time to start conversations with their children about subjects that they often find embarrassing and difficult to tackle. 

This is a sentiment often echoed by teaching staff. The current RSHE curriculum only became a mandatory subject in English schools in 2019 (with a grace period of a year granted due to the difficulties accompanying the pandemic). Since this time very little training, guidance or financial resources have been made available from the central government to support schools in implementing this change. This is especially shameful, considering how important high quality education in this area is to the wellbeing and secure development of young people.

Our organisation is made up of professionals with a range of backgrounds - including healthcare, education, safeguarding, academics and other specialisms. Expert RSE providers like ourselves exist precisely because of this failure to adequately support schools in meeting the RSHE needs of their students. Casting aspersions on the organisations which have come about to fill the gaps left by the government does nothing to improve education in this area. 

The Minister’s letters suggest that specialist RSHE providers like ourselves are secretive organisations. This simply isn’t accurate. Like many experts in the field, we are proud of the work that we do and strive to actively promote our approach. We’ve even written a book about it, Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships - widely available to anyone with a library card.

When RSHE appears in the headlines, we invariably see an increase in the number of parents and carers who contact us directly. Although as a small charity this can feel overwhelming in terms of our capacity, ultimately it is a chance to engage and include more people who largely want the same thing as us. 

Gillian Keegan ends her letter to parents encouraging them to read and respond to the upcoming RSHE review. We would seek and encourage all parents and carers interested in the wellbeing of young people to do the same - not just those who seek to politicise youth wellbeing with the aim of censoring evidence-based RSHE. 

School of Sexuality Education welcomes Tribunal decision

Our comment on ‘Clare Page vs Information Commissioner and School of Sexuality Education’ and preceding events, June 2023.

Following the delivery of one day of consent presentations at Haberdashers’ Hatcham College in September 2021, School of Sexuality Education became involved in a tribunal case relating to our intellectual property. On June 6th 2023 the case was dismissed at tribunal.

Our CEO, Dolly Padalia, says:

We welcome the tribunal's ruling that supports our approach to involving caregivers in their children's relationships and sex education.

At School of Sexuality Education, we believe that caregivers have a right to know what their children are being taught in RSE lessons and actively encourage schools to involve parents. We have never refused a parent request to view our resources, we hold regular caregiver information events, and our workshops take place in front of hundreds of teachers every year.

We have never kept any of our school resources "secret" and will never seek to do this. The judge's ruling allows us to continue to protect our intellectual property whilst providing transparency to caregivers. 

We will continue our important work advocating for young people's right to access comprehensive and LGBTQIA+ inclusive RSE.

A summary of the timeline of events:

Sept 2021: Two School of Sexuality Education facilitators attended Hatcham College to deliver five one-hour presentations on consent. Presentations were attended by teachers and students from various year groups.

Oct 2021: Haberdashers’ Hatcham College informed us that they “have had a request from a parent to see the resources you used for the KS4 session when you visited us”. We provide a bullet-point breakdown of the session content and the list of resources. They then ask for the powerpoint slides, which we also provide.

Nov 2021: Email correspondence with the CEO of Haberdashers’ Academies Trust South confirms that the CEO has met with the parent and showed her the slides on her school laptop during this meeting, but that the parent would also like a copy of the slides. We tell the school that we cannot provide the parent with a copy of the slides, however we are happy to meet with the parent in-person to show her the slides again, and have a member of our team verbally explain our content. (We later find out that this offer was not passed onto the parent by the school.)

December 2021: The parent submits an FOI request to Haberdashers’ Academies Trust South requesting a copy of School of Sexuality Education’s materials held by the Trust.

January 2022: The school does not disclose our materials. The parent requests an internal review of the FOI request she made to the school. 

March 2022: The Trust conducts an internal review and writes to the parent with their response that the ‘College handled the request correctly’ and withhold the requested material.

September 2022: The parent appeals to the ICO. A letter from the ICO to the Academies Trust also asks for another internal review, which was carried out. The ICO upholds the original decision.

November 2022: The parent lodges an appeal to the First Tier Tribunal. 

January 2023: School of Sexuality Education is added as Second Respondents. 

May 2023: School of Sexuality Education attends Tribunal Hearing.

June 2023: Tribunal dismisses appeal. Available here.

July 2023: Appellant makes a permission to appeal to the First-tier Tribunal.

July 2023: First-tier Tribunal refuses permission to appeal.

August 2023: Appellant makes an appeal to the Upper Tribunal.

January 2024: Upper Tribunal sets a hearing.

September 2024: School of Sexuality Education attends Upper Tribunal Hearing.

September 2025: Upper Tribunal dismisses appeal.

———————————

Any media enquiries should be directed to comms@schoolofsexed.org.

Why You Should Invest In Inclusive Work Cultures

It is essential for organisations to understand the importance of creating an inclusive work environment. When employees feel valued and respected, they are not only happier but are also more likely to be productive, engaged, and loyal to their employer.  A diverse and inclusive workforce can lead to increased innovation, creativity and working relationships. 

In this article, we'll explore the benefits of investing in inclusive work cultures and how we can help you create a stronger, happier, and more motivated team.

Defining Intersectionality

Before we get into the benefits of inclusive work cultures, it's important to understand what we mean by intersectionality. Intersectionality is a term coined by Professor Kimberlé Crenshaw to recognise that people have multiple social identities that intersect and interact with one another to shape how they are perceived and treated as they move through the world. It acknowledges people’s unique experiences of discrimination and privilege based on their identities (including race, gender, sexuality, disability status).

Understanding intersectionality is crucial in creating an inclusive work culture. It means acknowledging that team members are not defined by a single aspect of their identity, and that their experiences in the workplace are influenced by multiple intersecting aspects of their identity.

For example, a white woman may experience sexism but not racism. A Black woman, however, may also experience sexism, racism (misogynoir), and quite likely, classism all at once.  Similarly, a disabled queer person may experience both ableism and queerphobia and each form of discrimination will inform the other. By understanding intersectionality, you can better understand the experiences of your employees and create a more inclusive work environment.

The Benefits of Inclusive Work Cultures

Done well, investing in inclusive work cultures has a positive impact on employees' mental and emotional wellbeing. When employees feel valued and included, they are more likely to feel satisfied with their jobs and less likely to experience stress and burnout.

Through our workplace training programmes, we offer workshops on Self Care and wellbeing, Creating Inclusive Work Cultures, Sexual Harassment And The Workplace and Understanding Intersectionality. Contact us today to learn more about how we can help your company create a more inclusive and effective workplace.

Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships

In September 2021, School of Sexuality Education published Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships. We’d been delivering sex and relationships education workshops in schools for a few years by then, and we wanted to put all of the experience we’d gained in that time to good use. We decided that the best way to do that would be to write a book together – one that could be accessed by teenagers all over the country, no matter who they were or where they were.

It felt important to us to make sure that lots of different perspectives and voices went into the book, not only in terms of expertise (our team’s made up of doctors, teachers, activists and academics) but in terms of life experiences too, and the unique combinations of things that make us us. As such, it was a genuinely collaborative effort, and to be honest, we are pretty proud of it! We think that the end result is a positive, practical, and empowering guide for teenagers which tackles tricky topics in inclusive and non-judgemental ways.

It's made up of nine chapters in total, each of which focuses on a different one of those tricky topics: consent; gender, sexuality and identity; relationships; the body; what is sex?; reproductive health; sexual health; body image; and online life. Across them all, we aim to answer the questions that young people (people of all ages, really!) might not feel confident enough to ask elsewhere.

Alongside the main text of each chapter, we added in a few other sections too. One of these is the ‘myth versus reality’ boxes, which provide accurate information to challenge some of the common ‘myths’ out there about sex and relationships which often come up in the classroom. There are ‘did you know?’ boxes too, which share fun or interesting facts, ‘tips and tricks’ sections, and ‘consider’ boxes which give extra details to help readers to grasp the ‘bigger picture’. Lastly, the chapters also include all kinds of ‘unembarrassable moments’ where different members of the team share anecdotes about personal experiences, to connect the information to some real-life stories, and to prove that we really are unembarrassable!

With such a range of topics and features across the book, it really is jam-packed with information, but readers aren’t expected to take everything in in one go. We designed it so that teenagers can dip in and out of the chapters at their own pace, or even just flick through to the different sections as and when they’re interested in learning more. We’ve popped some notes in the back for teachers and parents too, in case they want to use the book to spark conversations with the young people in their lives – it really is for anyone and everyone.

When we wrote the note for teachers, we did so in the hope that Sex Ed could be used as a resource for planning and teaching, which is why we’re so pleased to already have had several teachers tell us how useful they’ve found it for clarifying information, generating discussion points, and figuring out how best to frame concepts. In light of this praise, we’re now working towards getting at least one copy into every school library in the UK. Not only will this help more teachers, but it will also mean that every teenager in the country will have access to the important information the book contains, and will therefore have the opportunity to better understand themselves, their relationships, and one another.

We’re crowdfunding to send free copies of Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships to UK school libraries. Please click on this link to find out more and to donate.

Click here to purchase a copy of Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships.

YAP Blog: Bridgerton: Gender norms, feminism and the patriarchy

WRITTEN BY A MEMBER OF SCHOOL OF SEXUALITY EDUCATION’S BRILLIANT YOUTH ADVISORY PANEL (YAP).

Jazmín, aged 18, Argentina

Translated from Spanish. Spanish version also available on our here.

Being one of the most watched shows on Netflix, Bridgerton brought to the table how patriarchal culture has affected every aspect of our lives since the beginning of time. This blog will analyse and highlight some of the issues the show tackles.

Based on Julia Quinn's novels, this drama is set in Regency Era London, and revolves around the ‘Ton’. It is set during the social season, when debutants make their entrance into the “marriage market”, as Lady Whistledown, the narrator of the series, calls it. 

“Marriage market” might not make sense in our heads when we think of marrying someone, but as I will explain, some of its characteristics remain to this day.

GENDER NORMS

In the first episode, the debutantes are presented to the Queen who judges them based on their appearance. This event means everything to these young women, to the extent that one of them faints due to the tightness of her corset, and we see parallels with this today. This might seem like an exaggeration, but the reality is that a lot of women, especially teenagers, face body image pressures because of the stereotypes that being thinner is being prettier.

As the episode continues, Daphne, the main character, has to obey her older brother just because he is “the man of the house”. For that reason, she can't dance with anyone, even if she wants to. According to her brother, she must leave men “wanting” otherwise she would be seen as a shameless woman who lives a non-conservative sexual life. This judgement is part of daily life, categorising liberated women as having less value than those who conform with the norms.

Something similar happens when Daphne and the Duke of Hastings kiss in the garden before getting married. Anthony, Daphne’s older brother, finds them and as a consequence he  must bring ‘honor’ back to his family. This makes Daphne both the victim and the one to blame – both a slut and a child, incapable of taking care of herself. At the same time, a man has to take responsibility for the situation, demonstrating what it means to “be a man”.

Daphne: “Do you think because I'm a woman I'm incapable of making my own choices?”, “Do you even care that Simon has dishonored me as you say it is it your male pride that you seek to satisfy?”

This gender norm seems to affect not just Anthony but also the Duke, whose duty as a man was determined since the day he was born – an idea which certainly chimes with the present day. Even before the birth of a baby, people start to assume likes and behaviors that the child should have according to their sex assigned at birth. If the baby is female, then she should like pink and she must be sweet, respectful, charming and caring. If the baby’s male, then he should like blue and he must be brave, disciplined, insensitive and caring – but not in a ‘feminine’ way but rather in a dominant, protective, way.

This also happens in another conversation, when Anthony offers him Daphne's dowry, which he refuses to accept, claiming that “Her wellbeing is my responsibility now”. This means not only a huge responsibility for the Duke, but it also sentences Daphne to a life of obedience, reflecting the stereotypes shown in the previous paragraph.

FEMINISM

In all eight episodes of Season One, we see revolutionary thoughts. Every woman in the series recognises that there is a difference between the power that women and men have. Being aware of this, they are capable of turning stereotypes to their favour. They  spread a rumor so that Daphne can avoid a marriage  to someone she doesn't want.

Daphne: “Who would believe a group of women over a man's word?”

Violet, Daphne's mother: “Perhaps no-one, but they will if Lady Whistledown does. So we should do what women do, we should talk.

Although this suggests Lady Whistledown has power and influence, Eloise, Daphne's younger sister observes that: “Whistledown is a woman. Therefore, she has nothing. You are a man. Therefore, you have everything.” 

Eloise is the most controversial character of the drama. She is open about her ideas and isn’t afraid of expressing her anger against the patriarchal culture. She explores the foundations of patriarchy and the more complex matters relating to the oppression of women. At first, she is only worried about her future: “Why it must our only options be to squawk and settle or to never leave the nest? What if I want to fly?”, “Do you know what is an accomplishment? Attending university! If I were a man I could do that, you know.”

Then, she starts to worry about other women that she knows. For example her friend, Penelope, has a maid who is pregnant and single. The maid plans to escape with the father of the baby, which only increases Eloise´s concern: “Then, she has even a greater reason to be frightened. Once she is married, her life is over. Oh, that poor maid!”

She is able to express her ideas towards patriarchy when discussing a painting with Penelope, showing that all women seem affected by it – not just her. “That's because, like all of this paintings, it was done by a man who sees women as nothing more other than a decorative object.” 

She also seems to reject her older sister's lifestyle and doesn't hesitate to question her:“So Daphne may be in love, does she think it an accomplishment? What exactly has she accomplished, then? She certainly did not build that man or bake him. He simply showed up.”

Daphne, on the contrary, isn't as determined as Eloise although she often seems tired with her situation. 

Daphne: “You don't have idea what it is to be a woman.”, “This is what I was raised for, [...] I don't have other value.”

These lines show how she really feels about the pressure of getting married and being a mother, even if that's what she wants. Certainly this is a pressure that many women feel, especially if they decide that they don't want to be a mother . Even if no-one else openly judges them, which is extremely unlikely, they have to deal with the internalised misogyny, which may make them feel unworthy and incomplete.

LACK OF INFORMATION

From the second episode we can see characters being curious about things that might be obvious to us, such as how babies are conceived. Eloise, being a teenager, doesn't have this information: “How does a lady come to be with child?” Not even Daphne, who is already married: “If it is this difficult to discuss, how difficult it must be to perform.” In both cases, they feel scared, because of the possibility of getting pregnant before marriage or because of the “marital act” itself. 

It is clear that today we have more information about sex and many issues are no longer as taboo but unnecessary mystery around this topic is still part of our society.

To these sisters, there aren't clear answers, which increases their confusion and plays a fundamental role in the show. For example, when Eloise´s brothers try to explain it to her their mother stops them: “I hope you are not encouraging improper topics of conversation.” While this might seem as far from our reality as it can be, sex is often explained through metaphors to people who have the capacity to understand. This is added to the fact that sex, is most of the time, explained from a heteronormative point of view. This increases the confusion and fear around it – feelings that should have been left behind decades ago.

SEXUAL ASSAULT

Most Bridgerton viewers noticed that there is a scene where Daphne is harassed by a man. She is in the garden alone when this man appears and starts to get closer to her, trying to kiss her and touch her. Luckily, after her saying “stop” a few times, Daphne  is able to escape. 

Unfortunately, this is something that still happens today. In fact, 78% of women have experienced harassment in a public space and the same feeling of guilt that Daphne has is common. At the same time, she feels terrified of everyone knowing because it would be a scandal for her. This is happening now, every day, when these crimes come out in public, questions such as: "Why was she alone at night, in those clothes?” “Why didn’t she fight back?” “What did she do to cause it?” are asked, blaming the victim. 

Daphne: “And I'm alone with two men. [...] I will be compromised just the same. Do you have any idea what would happen if someone even suggested that I...?”

Finally, there is another scene that shows a sexual assault. When Daphne discovers how to have sex in order to have a child, she forces Simon to come inside of her when clearly he doesn't want to. 

It might be surprising to realise that this is categorised as sexual assault because Daphne is vulnerable during the whole show and men being victims isn´t something commonly discussed. Often phrases such as “Guys always want sex.”, “He was very lucky, if I were him I wouldn’t complain” are used, suggesting that being raped or abused while being a male is something to be proud of, without any acknowledgement of anything negative.

Furthermore, most people wouldn't picture Daphne as an aggressor. The stereotypical image of what an aggressor should look like continues to affect how all victims of any kind of sexual violence are able to speak up about what happened. This stereotype also affects the extent to which victims are believed about  the aggression they suffered.

Bridgerton is perfect for discussing matters around sex, gender, physical and mental health. In my view, gender norms, feminism, the lack of information referring to sex and sex assault are the most impactful and interesting topics. The creator, Chris Van Dusen, and the producer, Shonda Rhimes, manage to show issues that are usually hidden but they were also able to discuss current topics working with a novel set in 1813. Finally, I'm excited to see what other teachable moments will ensue in the upcoming season.  I'm especially interested to  watch the women characters challenge patriarchal structures further.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

YAP Blog: Bridgerton: Normas de género, feminismo y patriarcado

ESCRITO POR UNA DE LAS INTEGRANTES DEL BRILLANTE GRUPO ASESOR DE JÓVENES DE SCHOOL OF SEXUALITY EDUCATION

Jazmín, 18 años, Argentina

English version available here.

Siendo el show más visto de Netflix, Bridgerton demostró cómo la cultura patriarcal ha afectado todos los aspectos de nuestras vidas desde el principio de los tiempos. En este artículo, voy a analizar y destacar algunos de los conflictos que el show aborda.

Basado en la novela de Julia Quinn's, este drama está ambientado en la alta sociedad de Londres en el periodo Regencia, durante la temporada social, donde las debutantes hacen su entrada dentro del “mercado matrimonial”, como Lady Whistledown, la narradora de la serie, lo llama.

“Mercado matrimonial” puede no hacer sentido cuando pensamos en casarnos, sin embargo, algunas de sus características han sido preservadas hasta nuestro presente, como voy a explicar.

ROLES DE GÉNERO

En el primer episodio, las debutantes son presentadas ante la reina, quien las juzga en base a su apariencia. Este hecho significa todo para estas jóvenes, hasta el punto donde una de ellas se desmaya debido a su ajustado corsé. Esto puede parecer una exageración, pero es cierto que, incluso hoy en día, muchas mujeres, en especial las adolescentes, sufren de trastornos alimenticios a causa de los estereotipos que imponen que ser más delgada es ser más bonita.

Mientras el episodio continúa, Daphne, el personaje principal, tiene que obedecer a su hermano mayor sólo porque es “el hombre de la casa”. Por esta razón, no puede bailar con nadie, incluso si así lo desea. De acuerdo con su hermano, debe dejar a los hombres “queriendo más”, de otra forma, sería vista como una mujer sinvergüenza que lleva una vida sexual activa. Este juicio sigue sucediendo diariamente, categorizando a las mujeres que viven con libertad como de menor valor que aquellas que se conforman con las normas.

Algo similar ocurre cuando Daphne y el Duque de Hastings, su futuro marido, se besan en el jardín antes de casarse. Anthony, su hermano mayor, lxs encuentra y, en consecuencia, debe traer el honor de nuevo a su familia, convirtiendo a Daphne en la  víctima y la culpable al mismo tiempo. Es categorizada como una puta y una niña, incapaz de valerse por sí misma. Al mismo tiempo, un hombre tiene que tomar responsabilidad por ello, demostrando lo que “ser un hombre” significa.

Daphne: “¿Crees que sólo por ser mujer soy incapaz de tomar mis propias decisiones?”, “¿Te importa que Simon me haya deshonrado, como dices, o es tu orgullo de hombre el que quieres satisfacer?”

Este rol de género parece afectar no sólo a Anthony, sino también al Duque, cuyo deber como hombre fue determinado desde el día en el que nació, siendo tan sólo un bebé, lo cual parece ser algo moderno. Incluso antes de nacer, las personas comienzan a asumir gustos y comportamientos que lx recién nacidx debería tener acorde a su sexo asignado en el nacimiento. Si es una mujer, entonces deberá de gustarle el rosa y deberá ser amorosa, respetuosa, encantadora y bondadosa. Si es un hombre, entonces deberá de gustarle el azul y deberá ser valiente, disciplinado, impasible y bondadoso, pero no de la misma manera en la que las mujeres lo son, sino que tienen que ser dominantes.

Esto ocurre en otra conversación, cuando Anthony le ofrece el dote de Daphne, el cual se rehúsa a aceptar, afirmando que “Su bienestar es mi responsabilidad ahora”. Esto no sólo significa una enorme responsabilidad para Simon, el Duque, sino que también sentencia a Daphne a una vida de obediencia, reflejando los estereotipos ilustrados en el párrafo anterior.

FEMINISMO

En los ocho capítulos, diversos pensamientos revolucionarios son ilustrados. Todas las mujeres en la serie reconocen que hay una diferencia entre el poder que las mujeres y los hombres tienen. Siendo conscientes de ello, son capaces de volcar los estereotipos a su favor. Divulgan un rumor para evadir el matrimonio de Daphne con alguien con quien ella no se quiere casar.

Daphne: “¿Quién les creerá a unas mujeres contra la palabra de un hombre?”

Violeta, madre de Daphne: “Pero lo creerán si Lady Whistledown nos cree. Así que haremos lo que las mujeres hacen. Hablaremos.”

Incluso si esto puede posicionar a Lady Whistledown como la voz más poderosa, Eloise, la hermana menor de Daphne, remarca que “Whistledown es mujer. Por lo tanto, no tiene nada. Tu eres hombre. Por lo tanto, lo tienes todo.”

Eloise es el personaje más controversial del drama. Es abierta respecto a sus ideas y no está asustada de expresar su enojo hacia la cultura patriarcal. Explora las bases del patriarcado y los detalles más complejos que oprimen a las mujeres. Al principio, sólo está preocupada por su futuro, “¿Por qué nuestras únicas opciones son graznar y casarse o no abandonar el nido?, ¿Qué tal si yo quiero volar?”, “¿Te digo lo que sí es un logro? ¡Asistir a la universidad! Si fuera hombre yo podría hacer eso.”

Luego, comienza a preocuparse por otras mujeres que conoce como, por ejemplo, la sirvienta de Penélope, quien está embarazada y soltera, pero planea escaparse con el padre del bebé, lo cual únicamente incrementa la preocupación de Eloise: “Son suficientes razones para tener miedo. Cuando se case su vida terminará. Eso no es un escape Penélope.”

Finalmente, es capaz de expresar sus ideas contra el patriarcado cuando conversa sobre una pintura con Penélope, demostrando que todas las mujeres parecen ser afectadas por el machismo, y no sólo ella. “Es porque estas pinturas fueron hechas por hombres que ven a las mujeres como objetos decorativos.”

A su vez, muestra rechazo al pensar en el estilo de vida de su hermana mayor, y no duda en cuestionarla, “Daphne tal vez esté enamorada, ¿Cree que eso es un logro?, ¿Qué es lo que ha logrado? No horneó a ese hombre, ni lo fabricó, simplemente apareció.”

Daphne, al contrario, no es tan determinada como Eloise, pero frecuentemente muestra cansancio.

Daphne: “No tienes idea de lo que es ser mujer", "Esto es para lo que fui educada, […] No tengo otro valor.”

Estas líneas muestran cómo realmente se siente sobre la presión de casarse y de ser madre, incluso si eso es lo que desea. Definitivamente, esta es una presión que muchas mujeres sienten, especialmente cuando deciden que no quieren ejercer la maternidad. Incluso si nadie las juzga directamente, lo cual es casi imposible, deben de lidiar con la misoginia internalizada, la cual las hace sentir indignas e incompletas.

FALTA DE INFORMACIÓN

Es claro que hoy en día contamos con más información sexual y otras cuestiones relacionadas ya no son tabú, pero el misterio innecesario alrededor de este tema sigue siendo parte de nuestra sociedad.

Desde el segundo episodio podemos ver a lxs personajes siendo curiosxs respecto a cosas que pueden parecernos obvias, tales como de qué manera ocurre la concepción. Eloise, siendo una adolescente, no cuenta con esta información, “¿Cómo es que una mujer queda en cinta?” Ni siquiera Daphne, quién ya está casada, “Si es tan difícil decirlo, ¿Qué tan difícil va a ser llevarlo a cabo?” En ambos casos, se sienten asustadas, debido a la posibilidad de quedar embarazadas antes del matrimonio o por lo que el “acto marital” es.

Para estas hermanas no hay respuestas claras, lo cual incrementa su confusión y juega un papel fundamental en el show. Por ejemplo, cuando los hermanos de Eloise intentan explicarle, su madre se rehúsa, “Espero que ustedes dos no alienten temas impropios en la conversación.” Mientras esto puede parecer lejano a nuestra realidad, el sexo es frecuentemente explicado con metáforas a personas que cuentan con la capacidad de entender. Esto se añade al hecho de que el sexo es, la mayoría de las veces, explicado desde un punto de vista heteronormativo, lo cual incrementa la confusión y el miedo, sentimientos que debían haber sido dejados atrás hace décadas.

AGRESIÓN SEXUAL

La mayoría de lxs espectadores de Bridgerton se dieron cuenta de que hay una escena dónde Daphne es acosada por un hombre. Ella estaba en el jardín sola cuando este hombre apareció y comenzó a acercarse, tratando de besarla y  tocarla. Afortunadamente, después de decir “basta” repetidas veces, logra escapar.

Desafortunadamente, esto sigue sucediendo. De hecho, el 78% de mujeres han experimentado abuso en un lugar público1. El mismo sentimiento de culpa que Daphne tuvo, se replica en cada víctima. Al mismo tiempo, se siente aterrada de que alguien lo sepa, porque sería un escándalo para ella. Esto está sucediendo ahora, todos los días, cuando estos crímenes se hacen públicos surgen preguntas como: “¿Por qué estaba sola de noche, vestida así?, ¿Qué hizo para provocarlo?, ¿Por qué no se defendió?”, culpando a la víctima.

Daphne: “Y yo estoy sola, con dos hombres. […] Quedaré comprometida de cualquier forma. ¿Tiene idea de que pasaría si alguien llegara a sugerir que yo…?”

Finalmente, hay otra escena que muestra una agresión sexual. Cuando Daphne descubre cómo tener sexo para quedar embarazada, fuerza a Simon a eyacular dentro de ella, cuando, claramente, él no quiere.

Puede ser sorpresivo el darse cuenta que esto está categorizado como una agresión sexual, a causa de que Daphne es vulnerable durante todo el show y los hombres siendo las víctimas no es algo que sea comúnmente conversado, muchas veces frases como “Los hombres siempre quieren tener sexo”, “Fue muy afortunado, si fuera yo no me quejaría” son dichas, estableciendo que ser violado o abusado siendo hombre es algo de lo que estar orgulloso, sin ningún otro sentimiento que puede ser negativo siendo involucrado.

Además, la mayoría de personas no se imaginarían a Daphne como una agresora. La imagen estereotípica de como unx agresorx debería verse sigue afectando la forma en

que las víctimas de cualquier tipo de violencia sexual pueden contar lo que sucedió.  Esto también afecta la fiabilidad del testimonio que las víctimas pueden dar sobre la agresión que sufrieron.

Bridgerton es perfecta para discutir asuntos relacionados con el sexo, el género, la salud física y mental. Considero que los roles de género, el feminismo, la falta de información referida al sexo y las agresiones sexuales son los temas más impactantes e interesantes. El creador, Chris Van Dusen, y la productora, Shonda Rhimes, lograron mostrar conflictos que usualmente son escondidos, pero también fueron capaces de poner en discusión problemas actuales, trabajando con una novela basada en 1813. Finalmente, estoy emocionada por ver qué otras situaciones remarcables sucederán en la próxima temporada y, sobre todo, estoy especialmente interesada en observar cómo los personajes femeninos cuestionan, incluso más, las estructuras patriarcales.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

YAP Blog: Myths About Vaginas

WRITTEN BY A MEMBER OF SCHOOL OF SEXUALITY EDUCATION’S BRILLIANT YOUTH ADVISORY PANEL (YAP).

Breeanne, aged 17, England.

I first learned about my vagina when I was nine years old. A lesson focusing on puberty explained to me that ‘this is where you bleed from’ and….that’s about it. Further education tended to focus on the internal reproductive organs so I was forced to jump to my own conclusions about vaginas. Encouraged by the wealth of (usually incorrect) information that is available on the internet, I discovered many ‘facts’ that are actually just myths. 

This is an experience I am sure all people will be able to relate to. Maybe no one ever taught you the difference between a vulva and vagina or maybe you’re terrified that ‘too much sex’ will cause your vagina to become ‘loose.’ Below are seven common myths about vaginas and the actual truth behind them. 

Myth #1: ‘Vagina’ is the correct term to describe the entire external genitalia. 

It has become commonplace to use the term vagina to describe all external genitalia despite this being anatomically incorrect. The vagina is one part of what is collectively known as the vulva, the external genitalia that include the mons pubis, urethral opening, labia, clitoris, vaginal opening and perineum. It’s unclear exactly why ‘vagina’ has been adopted as the word of choice when referring to the genitalia but it may be linked to the prominent presence of men in the history of anatomy. Andreas Vesalius (author of ‘On the Fabric of the Human Body’ - a book regarded as one of the most influential works on anatomy) viewed the clitoris as something abnormal; a view that was shared by many other male scientists throughout history (Galen, for example, believed the vagina was an inside-out penis!). Although our understanding of anatomy has improved, the impact of these beliefs still linger in society. It is important to use ‘vulva’ when describing the entire external genitalia so people are able to develop better understanding of their own sexual and reproductive health.

Myth #2: All women have vaginas. 

‘It’s a girl!’ the midwife exclaimed after looking at the baby’s genitals and deciding they fit the textbook description of female genitalia. Due to misconceptions surrounding sex and gender we often automatically assume that if you’re a woman you must have a vagina. However, genitalia is not an indicator of gender and assuming so erases the existence of intersex people, trans and non-binary people.

Neither gender nor sex are binary and women can have many different types of genitalia (vulvas, penises or other variants in sex characteristics). We must move on from this myth in order to create a safer and more inclusive environment for everyone. I’d recommend checking out School of Sexuality Education’s blog post ‘Why is everyone being mean to JK Rowling?’ for more information on this topic.

Myth #3: Vaginal penetration is always painful. 

Sex should be enjoyable for everyone and if sex is causing you discomfort or pain, you can stop. Painful penetration is not something you need to put up with but if you do find vaginal penetration painful this could be linked to a number of things. Using good quality lube and making sure you’re fully in the mood can really help but there are also medical reasons that penetration can be painful, including infections or conditions like vaginismus. If you are finding penetration painful and this is persistent you should get checked out by a doctor.

‘Pleasure’ is not a word that is often included when talking about the sexual experiences of people with vaginas and vulvas. As School of Sexuality Education rightly point out , in the UK government’s new Relationship and Sex Education guidance the word ‘pleasure’ is not mentioned once. This lack of discussion can lead to people assuming that vaginal penetration is always painful, a sentiment that is harmful as it assumes that is OK for sex to be unenjoyable as well as diminishing the experiences of people who experience medical conditions.

Myth #4: Penetrative sex will cause your vagina to become ‘loose.’

The myth that the more sex you have the looser your vagina will become has been used to shame people for having multiple sexual partners for years. The vagina is very elastic so having something temporarily penetrate it will generally not cause permanent changes in the size of the vaginal opening. Vaginas can lose elasticity as people age and that’s completely normal! They may also change shape after childbirth which is why menstrual cups often come in different sizes for people who have and haven’t had a vaginal birth. However, the vaginal opening can also tighten after menopause due to a decrease in oestrogen levels. So, really, the shape and elasticity of your vaginal opening will change over your lifetime regardless of how much or little penetrative sex you have! Ultimately, it’s important to remember that all bodies are different and that they will change differently too!

Myth #5: The ‘hymen’ can show if someone has had penetrative sex.

Last year, rapper T.I received backlash over comments he made on a podcast where he stated that he’s certain his 18-year-old daughter hasn’t had sex as “we have yearly trips to the gynaecologist to check her hymen.” Besides this being an extreme invasion of bodily autonomy, it also reinforces the harmful ‘popping the cherry’ myth in which it is believed that those with vaginas should bleed the first time they have penetrative sex due to the breaking of the ‘hymen.’ First, we should start by addressing what the ‘hymen’ actually is. The ‘hymen’ or vaginal corona is made of a thin piece of tissue located at the opening of the vagina. In most cases, the hymen does not completely cover the opening of the vagina (otherwise how would period blood get out?!) and the amount and thickness of hymenal tissue can vary from person to person. In rare cases, the hymen covers the entire vaginal opening. This is called an imperforate or microperforate hymen and requires medical attention. This myth probably comes from the fact that sometimes the hymen can be stretched the first time someone has penetrative sex which may cause pain or bleeding. However, there are many other reasons your hymen may stretch, including riding a bike or playing sports. It is therefore impossible to tell whether or not someone has had sex simply from looking at their hymen.

Myth #6: Vaginal discharge is a sign something’s wrong. 

Discharge is a completely normal part of having a vagina and it’s actually pretty brilliant! The cervix naturally produces a fluid that is designed to help keep the vagina clean, moist and free from infection. Generally, normal discharge doesn’t have a strong odour or smell, is clear or white and is thick and sticky or slippery and wet.

It is important to note that the appearance and amount of discharge can change throughout your menstrual cycle as well as if you are pregnant or sexually active. Although vaginal discharge is very normal, changes to it can be a sign of infection. If you experience any changes to your discharge that aren’t normal for you, you should go see your doctor.

Myth #7: Douching is the most effective way to clean your vagina. 

With endorsement from celebrities and criticism from healthcare professionals, douching has become a hot topic of conversation in recent years. It is fundamentally a process that involves flushing the vagina with fluid in order to clear it of vaginal secretions (i.e. the all important aforementioned discharge) and is one that is deeply rooted in sexism. Douching was historically used as contraception (NB: douching will definitely not prevent pregnancy) until the widespread availability of the contraceptive pill knocked it from its podium.

Companies therefore turned to shaming women for being ‘unclean’ and suggested that, without douching, they would not be deemed ‘sexually ideal’ by their husbands. Insecurities were preyed on, sales rose and douching placed itself firmly in society. The problem with vaginal douching is that it can disrupt the healthy bacteria and pH levels in your vagina, potentially leading to a whole host of health problems including bacterial vaginosis, vaginal irritation or dryness and pelvic inflammatory disease. It is recommended that the most effective way to clean your vagina is to let it clean itself (which it does resulting in discharge). Washing the vulva with warm water only during a bath or shower is the best way to keep the vulva and vagina's healthy balance of bacteria and pH levels.

Ultimately, understanding vulvas, vaginas and the myths surrounding them is important! Although education has improved in recent years, there will always be myths floating around. Make sure to consider where you are getting your information from and check reputable resources!  

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

YAP Blog: Developing RSE in a pandemic-era America

WRITTEN BY A MEMBER OF SCHOOL OF SEXUALITY EDUCATION’S BRILLIANT YOUTH ADVISORY PANEL (YAP).

Claire, aged 16, Ohio, United States.

On the first day of the sex education unit of health class, our teacher lined up the girls who were to be taken to a different presentation. Myself and the others went to a separate conference room to learn about breast cancer, while those who stayed in the classroom learned about prostate cancer. The class was required of all students in the high school, anywhere from 14 to 18 years old, though most take it as a freshman or sophomore.

At this age, teaching topics like consent, setting boundaries, and contraception is crucial. While contracting STIs as a young person and teen pregnancies are common in the U.S., so are boundary and consent issues. However, these skills are much less likely to be stressed within the classroom. 

These are skills that every person in any physical scenario with another person should have, for example, a platonic cuddle. However, we left the conference room that day with only knowledge of how to do breast self-exams, speculating between ourselves what those who had stayed in the classroom had learned about prostates.

This was hardly enough, but it was all our state required of health programs in public high schools. When it comes to sexuality education, neither medical accuracy nor contraception education is required; the importance of sex within marriage only must be included, and it is required that abstinence is “stressed.” By those metrics, our program had excelled. But, as a rural school near a university town, students from very diverse backgrounds – and having diverse needs – were afforded very little in terms of inclusive content.

As for the rest of the U.S., the truth is: standards vary. The culture of America is double-faceted; on one end, there’s a progressive, liberal outlook, boasting freedom of expression and ideas – a place where anyone can say and do anything. On the other end, there’s a value in tradition, in appreciation of the past. Sexuality education in the U.S. has long been on the latter end. Already, education about physical and mental health relating to sexuality and relationships was vastly different from classroom to classroom, but with COVID-19, the disparities in sex education have become more apparent. Many classrooms toss sexuality education to the side after transitioning to online learning. Already a hush-hush experience in person, why would the basketball coach willingly go over anything but the basics of penis-in-vagina intercourse while students listen in from their family living rooms? There isn’t an incentive to be comprehensive when it isn’t required.

Due to homeschooling during the pandemic, there has been a decline in demand from schools for in-person programs and sexuality education has needed to be taught to students while at home. Inclusive and comprehensive education on the mental, physical, and emotional aspects of sexuality and relationships empowers students to create safe, healthy relationships. This is essential for young people and in-person education can make the experience much safer. With students at home and learning online, it can be harder for teachers to adapt. Student responses will range from very engaged, to feeling out of the loop, to feeling triggered. In addition, teachers may not be able to elicit students’ questions if the students do not feel the environment (online and/or from home) is safe enough. The digital divide can make it harder to create safe spaces for conversation.

What could safe, comprehensive education even look like online? Teachers could encourage anonymous answers to promote safety, include content warnings and the ability for students to have wellness check-ins throughout lessons. They could utilize tools like polls and games to prompt engagement. Is this easy? Not likely, but I believe there is hope. By taking advantage of the necessity for sexuality education online, health programs could start to provide better sexuality education online now. This would help sexuality education become more highly prioritised after transitions to in-person learning.

This may seem like a tall order, but it is absolutely possible. Even though state regulations demand very little of sexuality education programs, classrooms can go above and beyond with dedicated community and individual action. In my own school, a class titled “Sex Education” began to be offered last semester. This class is run by the same school nurse, but with a much wider lens on content. One student who took the course wrote,

“the class… covered subjects the students were interested in, it was really inclusive and… extremely sex positive… everyone in the class was very open and comfortable.”

Seeing my community experience this is infinitely uplifting. And – even though we have a way to go – the seed has been planted for a flourishing generation.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

School of Sex Ed’s Instagram account censored and deactivated by algorithms

School of sexuality education’s Almaz Ohene explores how internet policies around sexuality are consistently implemented in favour of straight, white, cis male ideas of acceptability

A couple of months ago, in July 2020, the School of Sexuality Education Instagram account was blocked and disabled. 

We received a message from Instagram stating that the account had been deactivated for not following ‘Community Guidelines’ because ‘sexually suggestive content isn’t allowed on Instagram’. This includes ‘posting sexually suggestive photos or other content; soliciting sexual services; using sexually explicit language.’ There was no specific information regarding which post(s) were problematic for Instagram, nor was there any warning of the deactivation. Considering the fun, educational tone of our account, the use of anatomically correct language, and the fact that most of our posts are illustrations this was baffling.

School of Sexuality Education reported this deactivation as an error but heard nothing from Instagram for a week. We went on to report it through Report Harmful Content who contacted their industry partners. After that our account was reactivated but with no further explanation. 

Both the team, and wider supporters of the work we do at School of Sexuality Education, were outraged. That Instagram had deemed the vital Sex Education work we do, to be in breach of the community guidelines, without specifiying what exactly it was that breached them, was beyond frustrating.

A number of independent studies have shown that internet policies around sexuality are consistently implemented in favour of straight, white, cis male ideas of acceptability, and that the censorship of benign Sex Education content on social media platforms is disproportionately harming marginalised communities.

How? Well, automated moderation, or algorithmic models, are used on a huge scale to automatically sort through content posted to social media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, TikTok etc. Facebook’s algorithmic model, for example, has now been programmed to spot commonly used emoji strings – such as the eggplant or peach emoji – which are commonly used to refer to fun sex acts or indicate certain sexual preferences.

Often, social media platforms will ‘shadowban’ – when a social media platform hides content from the algorithm with tactics such as making them invisible in the hashtags, banning liking/commenting, or continuously censoring their content – accounts using vocabulary or hashtags deemed unacceptable.

This means sex educators can’t even use code to talk about the pleasurable aspects of sex, or help LGBTQ+ people find information via hashtags, even when the content is non-explicit.

Salty, an online newsletter and platform for women, trans and non-binary people, conducted some research in 2019, which reported that that plus-sized profiles were often flagged on Instagram for “excessive nudity” and “sexual solicitation”, and concluded that “risqué content featuring thin, cis white women seems to be less censored than content featuring plus-sized, black, queer women.”

It also found that people who come under attack for identifying as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, for example, have had their accounts reported or banned instead of the attacker. And later this year, it also reported that wheelchair user Alex Dacy (a.k.a. @wheelchair_rapunzel) had her picture, below, banned, even though it was inspired by an accepted Kim Kardashian West photo.

It is truly saddening how common real-life structures of oppression are being replicated online through this inherently biased automated moderation and censorship. It sends a deeply upsetting message, that only homogeneity is acceptable. School of Sexuality Education’s work is focused on dismantling these norms and online communities have the opportunity to help us do this work, but instead we are forced to stick to the same tired tropes.

Facebook also does not allow the mention of sexual pleasure in adverts for contraceptives. Instead, the focus must be “on the contraceptive features of the product.” A dichotomy exists because a cis man’s ability to have an erection is considered a health concern, based on the biological fact that a man must orgasm in order to procreate. As a result, male sexual wellness brands are considered morally acceptable as ‘family planning products’. Women, however, don’t need to experience an orgasm in order to procreate, so any information that exists solely to grant women pleasure is considered a ‘vice’ by Facebook.

This academic year sees Sex and Relationship Education become compulsory for all schools in England for the first time, hooray! But without being able to voice questions about the topic on social media, – which, as we know, is where young people spend a large proprtion of their time – they will still be left with the misconception that anything sex-related is taboo. And that’s the opposite of our ethos here at School of Sexuality Education. Social media bods, this is getting really tired – sort it out!

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Never Have I Ever: My Response (Part 2)

BY School of Sexuality Education’S GAYATHIRI KAMALAKANTHAN.

The popular Netflix show Never Have I Ever centres an Indian-American highschool girl exploring her sexuality and her intersectional identity. Part 1 of my response explored some teachable moments within the show on topics such as communication and sex positivity, the virginity myth, the construction of disability as a problem and casteism. 

I enjoyed season 1, however it is important to recognise that there are some problematic issues within the show. As a sex and relationships education facilitator, as well as a practising Hindu, I wanted to map out some parts of the script that I hope can be addressed in series 2. This response will explore themes including Islamophobia, internalised oppression within the south asian community, casteism and Tamil identity.

1. Portrayal and response to Islamophobia

Nalini: That’s Jaya Kuyavar. She came from Chennai, went to UCLA for her doctorate, parents found her a nice boy back home to marry. Then she ran off with an American man. A Muslim. Parents never spoke to her again.

Kamala: Did they come for the wedding?

Nalini: Are you out of your mind? You heard me say he was a Muslim. 

(episode 4)

Speaking from experience, this conversation accurately portrays the Islamaphobic views held by some people that I know in the Hindu, South Asian community. It was disappointing that Kamala did not challenge her aunt’s passive aggressive rejection of Jaya. I wanted her to go and sit with Jaya in bold defiance of Nalini’s casteism and Islamophobia. However, this conflict avoidance did fit with Kamala’s character and spoke to my own experience of wanting to ‘give up’ in what often feels like a losing battle against prejudiced family members. 

Personally, the journey of addressing Islamophobic (and racist / sexist / queerphobic) views held by my family can and has been a slow, angry and damaging process. But what would be the alternative? If we keep choosing silence in order to maintain peace, whilst people casually perpetuate the demonisation of certain communities, nothing will ever change.

I can see why Kamala did not intervene as a bystander in this instance, but as these characters grow in confidence and discover their motivations, the show needs to assert them as people who are willing to stand up for equality. I don’t think it is too much to ask for there to be representation of an Indian person who challenges the exclusion of minority groups - especially given the Indian government’s current right-wing, anti-Muslim stance. 

2. Internalised oppression 

Kamala: So you’re ultimately very happy with your decision, even though you got divorced?

Jaya: Of course not. No. I mean look at me. My closest Indian friend is a woman I met seven minutes ago. No, I wish I had just listened to my family and married the guy that they chose. Then maybe I wouldn’t be divorced. 

At the end of the conversation… 

Jaya: Good luck on your engagement and don’t screw it up, yh?

(episode 4)

I can absolutely understand why this conversation was written. It’s honest and reflective of what continues to happen within the South Asian diaspora. Indeed, ‘what will people think?’ is a question I am constantly battling against. Nevertheless, I found the conclusion of this scene deeply disturbing. It implies that the breakdown of Jaya’s marriage was a consequence of her marrying a Muslim, and not the simple fact that 42% of marriages end in divorce. It deepens and excuses Islamophobia within the community, especially regarding the taboo of interfaith relationships. 

The writers had the perfect opportunity to challenge the current rise in Islamophobia in Indian politics, and to create a healing, empathetic and difference-embracing moment, but failed to do so. They had the chance to portray the power of female-to-female acceptance and empowerment but instead they shamed a woman (Jaya) for making an independent decision about her life, before making her do the same thing to another. This internalised, intergenerational and peer-on-peer oppression needs to stop and we need fair representations to learn from. 

In this report, Equality Labs outlines how caste-based discrimination affects the South Asian American diaspora. As a Tamil British person, I am acutely aware of how the caste system, anti-Blackness and Islamophobia is still at play within my South Asian circles. I have been told multiple times by random members of the community that if I married ‘outside of our caste’ or to a ‘muslim or black man’ (note: zero awareness of queerness), that they would not associate with me thereafter. My response? We need to unlearn hate together. Either that, or I will not associate myself with you. Challenging this kind of bigotry within our communities is a must. 

Equality Labs graph shows % of people rejected by a partner on the basis of caste.

Of course, writers have the right to create whatever they want, but it is my hope that people with privilege use their platforms to challenge oppressive narratives and showcase positive interfaith relationships. 

3. ‘Tamil’ is a language and an ethinic identity

I was delighted to hear Tamil spoken on a Netflix TV show. Finally something to point to when asked ‘what is Tamil?’ 

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, (Devi in Never Have I Ever), is a young Tamil-Canadian actress and speaks unapologetically about her Tamil-Canadian identity. In one interview she says “my identity isn’t being Sri Lankan. That’s not my country. My country is Canada. But my culture is definitely Tamil”.

In the article, Radheyan Simonpillai explains that ‘like so many Tamil-Canadians, [Maitreyi] comes from a family that escaped war in Sri Lanka and arrived in Canada as refugees. We typically refuse to identify as Sri Lankan because that would mean claiming a country that tried to wipe out our people.’ This is exactly how I feel about my not-home country and why I cringe and change the subject when people make unsolicited comments about how I ‘must visit [my] homeland’.

I love that Ramakrishnan seems to be a no nonsense individual who speaks about her cultural identity with confidence. After the show was released, Ramakrishnan tweeted, ‘Devi does not represent the ENTIRETY of the South Asian community. She is merely one story influenced by real life experience. There are still many stories waiting to be told. This is one of many steps forward in a much longer race. 

I’m definitely here for this and am looking forward to what season 2 could be.

TV is a powerful tool that can shape how we think about sex, identity and relationships. Based on the themes in the show so far,  here’s a round up of what I’d love to see addressed in season 2 : 

• Specific communication and learning about pleasure.

  • How do people learn to kiss their partners in a way which is pleasing to all involved?

  • The experience of learning someone’s body can be funny, silly, clumsy and lovely! How can this be shown authentically?

• Discussion about healthy porn usage, without stigma.

  • The average age that a young person accesses porn for the first time is 11. 

  • How could the show encourage some critical thinking around the realities of sex vs sex we see in porn?

• ‘Menstruation impurity’ taboos within the Hindu community. 

  • Many people within the Hindu community view menstruation as ‘dirty’ and ‘embarrassing’. 

  • This, along with a lack of teaching on menstrual literacy has resulted in menstruating people being banned from temples as well as high absenteeism and drop out rates from school. 

  • How can the show address this long standing taboo? 

• Caste-based discrimination, why it continues and how it can be challenged at an individual/community/national level. 

  • Can Devi and/or Kamala challenge their family on their caste-based choices?

  • Is this something that can be brought up at one of Devi’s Model UN days? 

• Islamophobia, why it continues and how it can be challenged at an individual/community/national level. 

  • Could the show model a positive Muslim-Hindu relationship/friendship? 

  • Could Devi challenge and unpack her community’s prejudice in a conversation with her mum? 

  • Could this be discussed in a school lesson? 

Check out our Teachable Moments for students.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Support organisations:

• NSPCC

• Relate 

• Switchboard LGBT 

• MEND

• Dalit Solidarity Network UK

Never Have I Ever: My Response (Part 1)

by School of Sexuality Education’s gayathiri kamalakanthan.

When I found out that Never Have I Ever centred a Tamil girl exploring her sexuality, I was hyped. Devi’s lines from the trailer could have been lifted from my own secret diaries. 

Here’s my reaction the day before the show was released: 

Having watched the show, it’s clear that Mindly Kaling, Lang Fisher and their team were big on representation and curiosity around sex. While I embrace the long-overdue representation in Never Have I Ever, it is important to recognise that the show has some problematic themes that could be addressed in season 2.

Monica M, for Wear Your Voice writes that the show ‘furthers old tropes [including] anti-Blackness, casteism, misogyny, islamophobia and fatphobia’. They go on to speak about the ableism, anti-Semitism and colourism also evident within the show. Furthermore, Shivani Persad, for Flare, explores more themes that I have avoided duplicating here. They talk about the reference to indentured servants, different ableism issues, the manipulative pursuit and disposability of Jonah as a gay man and privilege. 

Some of these troubling themes, alongside the more empowering ones, create great teachable moments and open up dialogues for viewers and creators alike. As a sex and relationships education facilitator, as well as a practising Hindu, I wanted to map out how we might discuss some of these themes constructively and learn from them. 

Part 1 of my response will explore some teachable moments on topics such as communication and sex positivity, the virginity myth, the construction of disability as a problem and casteism. Part 2 will explore themes including Islamophobia, internalised oppression within the south asian community and Tamil identity.

1. Unembarrased communication and sex positivity 

Devi: I was wondering if you would ever consider... having sex with me?

(pause)

Paxton: Yh. OK. Just sex right?

Devi: Just sex. 

Paxton: I’m down, but I can’t tonight. 

Devi: Wow okay!

(episode 1)

I felt uplifted watching this scene. Two young people had communicated about having sex, without shame or coercion. Devi asked for what she wanted, using language and a tone that told Paxton he was free to say ‘no’.

If I were showing this in a classroom, I would ask students what was meant by ‘sex’. Students may respond with ‘penis in vagina intercourse’, and then quickly add in ‘oral sex’, ‘anal sex’, ‘using fingers’, when asked about different bodies, sexualities and preferences. It’s important that we avoid using the word ‘sex’ to imply the heteronormative penis-in-vagina sex that many of us don’t have. 

To truly be inclusive of all identities, we need to unlearn the idea that there is one, ‘normal’ way of having sex. Specific communication around what kinds of sexual touching someone finds pleasurable is important to ensure that everyone feels safe and comfortable. Definitions of sex are personal and can include any sexual touching (by ourselves or with others), that arouses us. Bloom’s 4 minute video is a good starter to a more inclusive idea of ‘sex’. 

Illustration by Evie Evie Karkera

2. The virginity myth 

Devi: Now I want to talk about a major event that could happen this week! Popping my cherry, Doc. The statistical odds that I would lose my virginity to somebody that hot are incredibly low. 

(episode 2)

The show has some honest depictions of the pressures that come from the constructs of ‘virginity’ and ‘beauty’. It’s also great that we see Devi discussing her anxieties with her therapist. It tells us that everyone has mental health and helps to open up this taboo subject within the South Asian diaspora. Below is how I would unpack this scene further.

The idea of ‘virginity’ and the ‘loss’ of it is made up by society. It is not fixed in any biological facts and nothing is lost during sexual contact, neither physically nor morally.  In an earlier blog post, Katy Elliott writes, ‘The hymen [and therefore ‘cherry-popping’] is a myth. Like many people, I thought a hymen was a stretchy piece of cling film-like membrane which covered the vaginal opening. I thought it was the same for everyone and you could break it by inserting a tampon, riding a horse, or having penis-in-vagina sex. Turns out that isn’t the case.’ She goes on to explain about the vaginal corona - a ring made up of partially covering folds of tissue, that looks different in all bodies, which isn’t ‘broken’ or ‘changed forever’ upon contact. 

How someone thinks about virginity (if they do at all) is up to them. They define what is sex for them and whether using a term like ‘virgin’ is useful in their lives.

3. Abuse turns to affection 

Ben: We call you the UN because you’re unf*uckable nerds

Later on in the series...

Devi: I wish the Nazis would kill Ben.

(episode 1 and 2)

Ben and Devi, comically characterised as ‘nemeses’ have an emotionally abusive relationship. They intimidate, criticise, publicly humiliate and undermine each other. Ben’s name-calling serves to lower Devi’s self-confidence, self-esteem and perception of her own body image.

Devi’s comment to Ben is violent, anti-Semitic and unacceptable. Arguably, both lines are realistic in the context of the show and demonstrate a common kind of discourse between teenagers. Amanda Silberling, in their article for Alma, writes, ‘I don’t blame viewers who can’t shake off the comment as quickly as Ben does when she apologizes to him. What’s perhaps more potentially harmful than Devi’s comment, though, is the depiction of Ben’s Jewish identity, which rarely feels more developed than these cheap punchlines.’ 

Turning abusive characters into romantic interests tells young people that humiliation and name-calling is to be tolerated and even expected in relationships. We need to unlearn this all too familiar ‘abuse is redeemed through romance’ trope.

4. Disability constructed as a problem

Eleanor: This is worse than if it were happening to me. In protest, I shan’t use my legs either.

(episode 1)

In the show, Devi suffers from paralysis, where she loses the use of her legs for three months. Then one day, whilst struggling for a closer view of her crush, she suddenly stands and walks. Thereafter, Devi’s disability is often referred back to as a punchline, unchallenged except for a few eye-rolls. 

Penny, on their  feelingdoughnut YouTube channel talks about the issue of ableism in Never Have I Ever. They say, ‘[Comments about disability in the show] are harmful because it teaches young disabled people that they are a problem, that their disability is a problem that has to be solved in order for them to fit into society...it’s offensive because it implies that we should not be comfortable in our own skin, that we should aim to find a cure; that that should be our life’s purpose...because disability is so horrible. 

Based on the social model of disability, Stonewall’s Disability Inclusion Webinar (April 2020) provides more information on how individuals and organisations can ensure better inclusivity. 

5. Hindu Nationalism and Casteism

‘Our Pandit in an Uber? What’s next, Prime Minister Modi on Postmates? Over my dead body.’ 

(episode 4)

I found Nalini’s reverential mention of India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi shocking. Neither her family nor the priest in the car batted an eye-lid, giving us the impression that this upper caste Brahmin family (like many in real life), revel in their caste privilege and are supporters of India’s right wing BJP party. True to life as this may be, I was expecting more from our leading family. 

The line may seem like a throwaway comment, but to many, BJP support is what is tearing India apart.  In my attempt to find a silver-lining, I came to the conclusion that we could use this scene to start a dialogue with young viewers on what the U.N. human rights office has called ‘fundamentally discriminatory’ politics. 

Since Modi’s re-election in 2019, the BJP have been working hard on delegitimising the citizenship of Muslim Indians and other marginalised groups, by leaning on ideas of ‘caste-purity’ and Hindu nationalism. Among other exclusionary steps, the Citizenship Amendment Act (CAA), passed in December 2019, drives the BJP ideology of a ‘Hindu-only India’. It explicitly seeks to displace India’s Muslim population, as well as making it near impossible for other marginalised groups (including poorer, lower caste, trans and nonbinary hijra communities) to prove citizenship due to lack of access to documentation.

Read further examples of Modi’s and other BJP leaders’ hate speech against marginalised groups.

Of course, it’s important to recognise colonialism’s role in promoting and cementing the Hindu-Muslim conflict.  Historian Audrey Truschke explains that ‘the British benefited from pitting Hindus and Muslims against one another and portrayed themselves as neutral saviors who could keep ancient religious conflicts at bay.’  Her research challenges the assumption that ‘the Muslim presence has always been hostile to Indian languages, religions and culture.’ In fact, this ‘more divisive interpretation actually developed during the colonial period from 1757 to 1947.’

We cannot separate ourselves from our politics - and this includes the entertainment we consume in the name of ‘self-care’. Yes, I want representation, but not at the expense of other oppressed groups. 

In Part 2 I will explore more teachable moments and what I’d love to see addressed in the next series.

Check out our Teachable Moments resources here.

Support organisations:

• NSPCC

• Relate 

• Switchboard LGBT 

• MEND

• Dalit Solidarity Network UK

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

About Abortion Series: 3 - Abortion as a Healthcare Issue

WRITTEN BY School of Sexuality Education’S DR EMMA CHAN.

A friend rang me late the other night. He’s a keen runner and had fallen over while training and hurt his leg. He was now in a lot of pain and extremely anxious that he’d broken it. He didn’t want to go to his local doctor - he’d torn a ligament in his knee training for an Ultra Marathon a couple of years ago.  His GP had made it very clear that she morally disapproved of runners. She’d refused to deal with him herself. Instead, she sent him to a colleague, saying that she ‘conscientiously objected’ to treating people who injured themselves ‘taking unnecessary risks through endurance tasks’. 

Luckily though, he’d found a Walk-In Fracture Clinic that accepted self-referrals. Would I come with him to his appointment tomorrow for moral support? I agreed.

On the day, approaching the clinic was daunting. There was a group of Anti-Athletics Protesters outside. They didn’t try to physically stop us going in, but it was still unpleasant.  One shouted at my friend that he was ‘wasting NHS resources’. Another thrust a pamphlet into my hands. It was full of statistics on how much sporting injuries cost the health service and how many nurses’ salaries this was equivalent to. 

The Clinic staff were all really nice and professional. They asked some odd questions though - for example, had my friend considered switching from running to yoga? The operation was scheduled a few days later and was uneventful. I’m still in touch with my friend, but we don’t talk often about this particular time. 

This story is of course, completely made up. As a description of medical care, it seems pretty bizarre. The blame, the moral judgement, the angry protesters getting between an individual and their treatment - all seem jarring in the context of getting help for a broken leg. These kind of experiences are common however, to those trying to access an abortion. In the UK, as in many countries, we accept standards of care and legislation around abortion that would seem laughable in relation to most other areas of health.

I am a facilitator with School of Sexuality Education, delivering Sex and Relationships Education to young people in the UK. My background is in health: I have trained and worked as a junior doctor, including within services that provide abortion care. As far fetched as the attitudes I have described might seem, we shall see that they neatly describe accessing abortion care in many parts of the world, including the UK.

An abortion is a medical treatment to end a pregnancy. This is done by either taking medication or having a (relatively) minor surgical procedure (1). It is sometimes also referred to as a ‘termination of pregnancy’. It is very common for someone to have had an abortion, much more so than most people imagine. According to the World Health Organisation, one in four pregnancies ends in a termination, with over 55 million abortions taking place a year worldwide (2). It might also surprise some in the UK to learn that providing or seeking an abortion in the UK is still technically a crime. It’s just that there are separate provisions under the law which allow it to take place under certain circumstances (3). 

So, we have a situation where a very common type of healthcare is regulated in a very unusual way. This can create legal and practical challenges in using and providing such services. For example, services have to be designed to accommodate the need for two doctors to agree to a termination. A legal requirement which some practitioners say impacts their ability to provide appropriate care (4). 

Within UK medical practice, there also exists the principle of ‘conscientious objection’. This is a rule that allows doctors to not provide help with terminating a pregnancy if it is at odds with their personal values (5). It is reasonable easy to find examples of conscientious objection around abortion care in the UK (6) whilst I have not heard to it used in relation to other types of treatment. Indeed in my imagined story I gave above, it seems laughable. 

There are, of course, safeguards to invoking conscientious objection, including that using it should not delay a patient’s care (7). But I wonder how this plays out in practice? If your GP refused you healthcare, would you know that they were still obligated to make sure that you had it? How comfortable would you be in approaching other doctors for help, or the same GP for other issues in the future? 

It is not uncommon for healthcare professionals to facilitate people in making decisions about their bodies and care that they think are unwise or downright wrong. Treating someone with a sports injury, so that they could continue to put strain on their body as with my ‘friend’, is a relatively common if less emotive one. 

Pregnant people may have a very diverse set of personal, practical and medical reasons for wanting to end their pregnancy. Medico-legal laws and practices around the world act to question and challenge those healthcare decisions and take away personal health autonomy. 

Worldwide, the laws surrounding abortion vary hugely. Not just in terms of whether or not abortion is allowed, but under what circumstance and under what conditions (8). This map from the Centre for Reproductive Rights broadly outlines these. You can use it to compare and contrast restrictions on abortion laws globally. This gives some indication of health inequalities created by a morals-based attitude to healthcare. A woman in the Ukraine who feels she does not have the resources to care for a child adequately may be able to access a legal abortion. Someone in neighbouring Poland cannot, as they are only legal in cases of conception from rape or to preserve health. Terminations of pregnancy are available ‘on request’ (because the pregnant person deems it necessary) in Mozambique, but under no circumstances in the nearby state of Madagascar (8). 

Human Rights Campaigners often say that criminalising abortions doesn’t stop them from happening, it only stops them from being safe. This refers to the idea that for some pregnant people, terminating their pregnancy feels like the only option, and that this procedure will be sought out, whether it is legal or not. 

It is estimated that 25 million ‘unsafe’ abortions occur a year, globally - most of these in low income countries (9). If we recognised that abortion was a healthcare right, we would see it is a vital service. When this is not provided safely, unnecessary deaths occur. 

Framing abortion care as a moral issue, rather than as a health one, leaves it open to challenge. In law, abortion on request is legal in the United States, but the extent of that is determined locally by each state (8).  Additionally, employers are under no obligation to ensure that abortion care is provided as part of their employee’s work-based health insurance. In 2014 the Hobby Lobby Stores successfully argued that providing contraception amounted to abortion, which conflicted with the company owner’s religious beliefs. As a result they provide neither contraception nor abortion care to their employees along with the rest of their healthcare (10). If abortion is not seen as a basic healthcare need, but a moral issue, it becomes optional to provide it. As abortion is so common, this impacts the health and wellbeing of a huge number of people. 

Why, then, is abortion often framed morally, in a way many other health issues are not? I believe an important factor is misogyny. Whilst people of various genders get pregnant and also choose to terminate pregnancies, historically the burden of reproductive labour has fallen to women. At the same time, the power to make laws has been disproportionately held by men. When looking at the stark difference between the gender of the population (51% women) and the law makers (85% men) involved in the Alabama Abortion Ban, one BBC Journalist posed the question, ‘Should men have a say in the debate (11)?’

Another tendency is for discussion around abortion to get emotive, quickly. Some people argue that the right to pro-life beliefs it is an inviolable and inalienable one. I agree. But importantly, I also recognise that it extends to personal autonomy only. If you believe that abortion is wrong then it is wrong… for you. As already noted, abortion care is hard to access or illegal in many areas of the world. And where it is legal, this often faces pushbacks and challenges. All of this is rooted in historical gender power imbalances. 

The question is: what can we do about it? 

It’s not easy, but perhaps we can start with education. In the first article in this series, Sara Haller outlined her experiences of teaching about abortion in Northern Ireland and the importance to young people of honest and accurate information about their bodies (12). 

There is perhaps some hope in England, with the updated sex education curriculum, which comes in to effect in September 2020 and requires young people to learn about ‘options in pregnancy’ (13). Perhaps allowing abortion to be discussed as a health topic can help to normalise this common procedure. 

That is certainly the hope of Dr Corrina Horan, head of Education for Choice, a group of volunteer medical students and doctors who teach about abortion care in UK schools. Corrina says she was motivated to get involved after learning how common a procedure abortion was, and by her medical school training which emphasised that it should be treated as routine healthcare. 

Perhaps another important strand is reflecting critically about the depictions of abortion we come across.  In the second article in this series, Tanya Horeck discussed 21st Century TV portrayals of teenage abortion (14). Being empathetic and open to the need for many different types of pregnant people to obtain an abortion could be powerful. It can challenge some of the incorrect biases and assumptions we may have. 

Important too perhaps, is educating and discussing abortion outside of schools as well as within them. As we have seen, abortion care really is a ‘live’ and current issue, with reproductive rights seemingly constantly up for grabs. Unlike other issues of gender equality and rights, it is not something that has been won and is over. 

I am writing this from my own home, during the worldwide lockdown due to the Covid-19 pandemic. From behind closed doors the right to access safe and legal abortion care is being challenged. Many countries have used lockdown rules to restrict access to healthcare. For example in the US, travelling to access an abortion has been deemed ‘non-essential’ and therefore not permissable. Other countries have actively used this time to push through anti-abortion legislation, such as Argentina or Poland (15). 

Someone who has voiced particular concern about contemporary abortion reform is Mania Lewandowska, a postgraduate student in Reproductive and Sexual Health in London, who is originally from Poland. Mania has been writing and talking about her concerns over the Polish Government’s actions towards abortion care since lockdown began. Examples include a proposed bill read in Parliament to completely forbid abortions. Abortion is currently only allowed in cases to preserve health. Although the bill was deferred, there are concerns that this was seen as a priority during this time. Mania also reports that a controversial pro-life activist has been officially recognised and honoured by the Ministry of Health during the country’s lockdown. The priorities and aims of the Polish Government surrounding abortion care seem very clear at this time, and they are not to ensure safe and legal healthcare. 

As we have seen, attempts to erode reproductive freedoms abound. We need to recognise that abortion plays an important role in reproductive freedom and start defending it like it matters. We have the medical expertise to improve the wellbeing of literally millions of people around the world, by providing decent abortion care. We wouldn’t accept the current standards of care for fixing broken limbs. We mustn’t accept this for reproductive healthcare.  

Acknowledgements: 

Thanks to Mania Lewandowska, Dr Corrina Horan, Sara Haller and Dr Tanya Horeck for their advice and support with writing this article.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

About Abortion Series: 2 - Abortion on 21st Century Teen TV

BY DR TANYA HORECK, READER IN FILM, MEDIA AND CULTURE (ANGLIA RUSKIN UNIVERSITY) AND School of Sexuality Education ADVISOR.

Chloe and Zach at the abortion clinic, 13 Reasons Why (Netflix, 2017-).

In Amy Heckerling’s 1982 directorial debut, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, 15-year-old Stacy Hamilton (Jennifer Jason Leigh) gets pregnant after casual (and quite inadequate) sex with Mike Damone (Robert Romanus). Stacy is pragmatic about dealing with the pregnancy and asks Damone to share the costs of an abortion with her. But he fails to help or to even accompany her to the clinic, and it is ultimately her older brother, Brad (Judge Reinhold) who drives her there and brings her home. What stands out now, re-watching this Gen X classic in 2020, is the conversation between Stacy and her worldly wise best friend Linda (Phoebe Cates) after the abortion. Linda, who is outraged over Mike’s dereliction of duty, offers to have it out with him. The ever-rational Stacy tells her: ‘Look, don’t do anything. I don’t even like the guy.’ Linda angrily retorts: ‘He’s not a guy, he’s a little prick’. Cue the following sequence, played to the jaunty soundtrack of the Go Gos ‘Speeding,’ in which a downcast Ramone finds his car and locker vandalized with ‘prick’ and ‘little prick’ respectively. In that scene, and others, Fast Times holds its male characters to account for their bad behaviour and proves it is a film that is not afraid to call a prick a ‘prick’. For all its dated heteronormativity, Fast Times at Ridgemont High is ultimately on the side of its female characters, granting them respect and agency. Stacy and Linda might move within the patriarchal strictures of 1980s American high school life but that does not mean they have to tolerate any substandard treatment. 

Cameron Crowe, who wrote the screenplay for Fast Times, was recently quoted as saying that in today’s political climate in the US, the film’s non-judgemental, pro-choice depiction of abortion would be ‘outrageously controversial…it would be protested, and there would be a mess over it’ (1). This is likely true, especially at a time when Hollywood studios are preoccupied with bringing in mass family audiences and churning out mainstream superhero film after superhero film with U ratings. However, when it comes to contemporary streaming TV, where there is a drive to attract niche audiences, and a laxer ratings system, the second decade of the 2000s has seen a shift to ever more frank and open depictions of abortion. On Netflix Original teen series such as 13 Reasons Why (2017-) and Sex Education (2019-), and on HBO’s Euphoria (2019-), young female characters have abortions and, like Stacy from Fast Times, they are unapologetic for doing so. In ways that are strikingly similar, all three of these teen TV series make political, pro-choice statements about the reproductive rights of women. 

This is a significant shift from network TV teen dramas of the 1980s and 1990s such as Beverly Hills, 90210 (Fox, 1990-2000) and Party of Five (Fox 1994-2000) where abortion was a topic that would be referenced, but not explored. While a minor character on 90210 has an abortion (and regrets it), Party of Five has its central character Julia Salinger (Neve Campbell) go so far as to book an appointment to have one: however, on the drive to the clinic she miscarries, therefore circumventing the need for the show to follow through with the representation (and any potential moral ramifications). Moving forward into the early 2000s, there were other examples of abortion storylines on teen series, including the 2008 second season of the long-running British teen drama Skins (Channel 4, 2007-2013), in which sixth form student Jal Fazer (Larissa Wilson) terminates her pregnancy (off camera). 

In the theatrical film version of Fast Times, the event of the abortion is also elided: Stacy is shown arriving at the clinic and then leaving it afterwards (there is a deleted abortion scene which appeared in the TV version and is now available for viewing on YouTube. What is most striking, then, about the streaming teen series I discuss in this blog, is the pronounced emphasis they place upon showing the abortion procedure in its entirety: before, during, and after. There is a clear effort made to realistically document the procedure in order to destigmatize it. The context of release is deeply significant: the abortion episodes of 13 Reasons Why, Sex Education and Euphoria appear in seasons which dropped in 2019, the year when, as Elizabeth Nash of the Guttmacher Institute has noted, ‘anti-abortion politicians [made] clear that their ultimate agenda is banning abortion outright, at any stage in pregnancy and for any reason’ (2).

Within the context of the abortion bans, and the ongoing threat to women’s reproductive rights in Trump’s America, the rendering visible of abortion on these recent teen TV series is a political act. Two of the series are American (13 Reasons Why, Euphoria) and one is British (Sex Education), though all three shows are designed for broader, transnational audiences and set in indeterminate locales. The abortion episodes centre on three white female characters: 13 Reasons Why’s Chloe Rice (Anne Winters), captain of the cheerleading team and girlfriend of serial rapist and self-appointed ‘king’ of the school jocks, Bryce Walker; Sex Education’s Maeve Wiley (Emma Mackey), intellectual outsider and rogue sex education business operator; and Euphoria’s Cassie Howard (Sydney Sweeney), former figure skater and popular high schooler. All three young women are pregnant by their popular male athlete boyfriends who do not figure much, if at all, in the abortion episodes themselves. Instead, the young women look to other people for support: in the case of 13 Reasons Why and Sex Education, Chloe and Maeve are helped by their male friends, Zach (Ross Fleming Butler) and Otis (Asa Butterfield) respectively, and, in the case of Euphoria, Cassie is supported by her mother and sister. These progressive teen TV shows do not imply that the decision to abort is emotionally easy for its female characters, but nor do they dwell on scenes of melodramatic anguish. Instead, the focus is on the process of the abortion itself. As part of the pre-abortion procedure, the young women are depicted as having to answer a series of intrusive, if standard, questions by a female nurse regarding, for example, their sexual history, their mental health history and whether they have any reservations about the procedure or have considered other options such as adoption. In 13 Reasons Why, the most didactic of the series, the nurse describes the procedure to Chloe (and to viewers): ‘The doctor will come in and insert a very thin tube into your uterus. It is connected to a suction device. That suction device will dislodge and remove the uterine content.’ 

In all three series, the abortion is presented as a vacuum aspiration, the most common type of surgical abortion (3).It is notable that none of the series depict a medication abortion, which involves taking two pills (4). Medication abortions, which can be used up to the first 10 weeks of pregnancy, accounted for 39% of abortions in the US in 2017 (5), and for 71% of abortions in the UK in 2018 (6).

Though the statistics suggest cultural differences regarding which abortion procedures are more typically used in the US versus the UK, all of the TV shows under discussion here opt for depicting surgical abortion, possibly because it lends itself better to televisual dramatization. In fact, the only depiction of medication abortion on teen TV I have come across so far (thanks to Sara Haller) is the British comedy-drama, My Mad Fat Diary (Channel 4, 2013-2015). 

The three series I concentrate on in this blog are remarkably uniform in their visual iconography of surgical abortion. Aesthetically speaking, the abortion scenes are filmed through extreme close ups of the faces of the young women as they lie in hospital beds. There are shots of the women surrounded by medical equipment as doctors and nurses reassure them about the procedure. The diegetic sounds (sounds that are part of the natural world of the film) include the scrape of medical instruments and the whir of the suction machine. All three of the shows overlay these medical sounds and images, at some point, with the added soundtrack of an emotive pop song. The facial close-ups of the beautiful young women as they wince in moments of pain or discomfort, invite identification and empathy from audiences. In the case of Euphoria, we are invited to share Cassie’s psychic space the most closely when she puts her earphones in and listens to Arcade Fire’s ‘My Body is a Cage.’ As we, along with Cassie, listen to the music, the show provides images of her figure skating, her body gliding and spinning across the ice. 

Cassie, Euphoria

Chloe, 13 Reasons Why

Maeve, Sex Education

Significantly, the young women are shown to make it through the abortion without consequence, all three of them relieved to have done it. ‘How do you feel?’ Cassie’s mother asks her. ‘Better’, she replies. Otis gives Maeve flowers, and Maeve (characteristically) responds with a wry joke: ‘Nothing says Happy Abortion like a bouquet’. Chloe breaks up with her abusive boyfriend and makes a new start. There is a noteworthy lack of judgement or moralising as the young women move on with their lives. 

As Sara Haller notes in the first blog in this series, the hardest thing she had to endure in her own personal experience of abortion was ‘public shaming on the street by anti-choice protestors.’ Two of the shows discussed here, 13 Reasons Why and Sex Education, portray anti-abortion protestors and their shaming tactics. In keeping with its strong educational, ‘afterschool special’ vibes, 13 Reasons Why contains the most extensive engagement with anti-abortionists, including a scene in which Chloe goes to a center to find out about funding for her abortion, only to discover that it is a ‘fake clinic’ run by anti-abortionists. This is the most distressing aspect of the abortion process for Chloe, followed by the experience of being confronted at the clinic by a group of anti-choice protestors who shout and yell at her not to murder her baby. One of the protestors, who villainously disguises herself as someone working for the abortion clinic, hands Chloe a fake fetus. 

In making abortion visible as a safe choice for young women, these recent teen TV shows are part of a growing trend for young adult TV comedy-drama to depict abortion without histrionics or moralistic framing. Hulu’s Shrill (available on BBC iPlayer in the UK) is another recent example of a streaming series with an honest and non-sensationalized representation of abortion. In the pilot episode, the lead character Annie (Aidy Bryant) gets pregnant by her loser boyfriend and has a surgical termination. The abortion is portrayed in such a low-key way by the show that I initially forgot it even included any images of the abortion procedure. It is a credit to the show and its respect and love for Annie, that what I remember most about this episode is the image immediately after the abortion: of Annie smiling serenely as she cuddles up to her best friend, Fran (Lolly Adefope), in the window seat of their shared home. 

I have been speaking here about the importance of a politics of visibility, of how these teen shows demystify a medical procedure that is too often blanketed in moralistic commentary. However, just as it is important to ask what is being made visible through more explicit TV portrayals of abortion as a medical procedure, it is also crucial to explore what is being hidden. In the three teen shows discussed above, the abortion storylines focus on young white women from the middle to lower classes. Abortions involving women of colour remain rare on television, as does an intersectional understanding of the experience of pregnancy and termination. To conclude, then, I want to discuss an episode from the second season of the Netflix series Dear White People (2017-), from 2019, which depicts a young black woman, Coco Conners (Antoinette Robertson), coming to terms with the difficult decision to terminate her pregnancy. In contrast to 13 Reasons Why, Sex Education and Euphoria, Dear White People does not depict the abortion itself. But what it does reveal, in a way the other shows do not, are the socio-economic realities – in particular, the confluence of gender, race, and class – that shape Coco’s choice. Coco considers what it would mean for her to become a 20-year-old single mum and college drop out. Originally from the South Side of Chicago, Coco is an economics student at Winchester, the show’s fictional Ivy League university, which she attends on a special scholarship for under privileged young people granted to her by a rich white male benefactor. Coco is depicted as the most ambitious of all the characters on Dear White People, with a dream to become a lawyer and work on Capitol Hill. When talking through the options with her friend, Kelsey (Nia Jervier), Coco compares her experience to that of her mother’s, who became a single parent to Coco at a young age: ‘I came here to take everything the world denied my mother and dared to deny me,’ she tells Kelsey. The set of choices available to Coco is shown to be determined by intersectional class, gender and race positioning in a society dominated by inequality. 

Out of all the shows discussed here, Dear White People is the only one to overtly reference the socio-political context of the abortion bans in the US. As Kelsey says to Coco: ‘At least we’re not having this discussion in Texas…’ followed by both girls chiming in with a list of the other abortion ban states they are lucky not to be in: ‘Or Kentucky. Or Missouri. Or Virginia. Or Utah. Or South Dakota.’ Coco jokingly acknowledges the fact that in light of the current brutal political realities of American life, she ‘really is needed on Capitol Hill!’ The matter of choices, and the stark socio-economic realities and intergenerational legacies and histories that mediate and inflect those choices, constitute the thematics of the episode, which is directed by Kimberly Peirce.

Coco Conners, Dear White People (Netflix, 2017-)

The end of the episode brings Coco, accompanied by Kelsey, to the abortion clinic but it stops short of depicting the abortion. Instead, it shows Coco faltering over her decision to abort and inserts a fantasy sequence, ‘18 years later’, in which Coco imagines having a lovely 18-year-old daughter, Penelope (Diamond White). Coco’s dreams have come true and she is now a successful lawyer. Her daughter has just been accepted into Winchester, and Coco and her ex-boyfriend and the father of her daughter, Troy Fairbanks (Brandon P. Bell), accompany Penelope to her first day at university. The beautiful, joyful Penelope soaks in the Winchester surroundings; as she says goodbye, Coco strokes her daughter’s hair and tells her how she will always worry and think about her. It is important to quote Coco’s words to her daughter in full: 

The experiences you’ll have, the opportunities. And it won’t always be easy. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll have a lot of touch choices to make, but don’t let that stop you from striving. And no matter what happens, remember this: you have a right to be here, just like everybody else. You make your mark at Winchester and the world will be at your feet…The Senate, The White House…the sky is too limiting for what you’re about to do my sweet, sweet girl. 

Coco is pulled out of the dream sequence (as are we) when the abortion clinic worker calls out her name. It is time for her abortion. The final image of the episode is a close-up of a confident and certain Coco walking towards the room where she will have her abortion. What Dear White People provides, in lieu of an aestheticized depiction of the female body on a hospital bed in stir ups, is a sequence depicting a young woman’s self-love and respect. Coco Conners is the sweet, sweet girl in the moving fantasy sequence in which a young black woman imagines the coordinates of a scene in which she is granted agency and autonomy and the space to realise her wildest dreams. Assuming the role of mother and daughter at once, Coco grants both versions of herself immense love, empathy, and understanding. In a world that too often denies and erases black female subjectivity, this sequence is not only poignant, it is radical. Moving forward, it is vital that TV continues to find inventive ways of representing young women’s choices, at the same time as it acknowledges the ways in which those choices are mediated and imbricated in complex structural factors.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Acknowledgements:

Thank you to Dr Emma Chan and Sara Haller for their helpful advice and suggestions on this piece. 

About Abortion Series: 1 - Teaching Abortion in Northern Ireland

By Sara Haller, Education Worker at Common Youth, a young person’s sexual health charity in Northern Ireland.

To understand how abortion is taught (or more aptly not taught) in Northern Ireland some attention needs to be paid to the context of the region. To put it briefly, Northern Ireland was founded in 1921, when due to Unionists demands, it was partitioned from what is now known as the Republic of Ireland. To a wider British audience, the conflict we call ‘The Troubles’ may seem confusing and multifaceted (which it is), but what cannot be stressed enough is the nefarious and controlling role of BOTH religions on the development of Northern Irish society and ethos. One of the few things extremist Catholics and Protestants could agree on is what they both perceive as the abhorrent nature of abortion and anyone who supports it. This religious influence is one of the reasons that Northern Ireland (NI) has developed differently from the rest of the United Kingdom (Scotland, Wales, England) and it has shaped how we talk about everything, especially abortion. The 1967 abortion act was not extended to Northern Ireland which meant abortion remained a criminal offence until October 2019.

Delivering relationship and sexuality education to the community is my role in Common Youth, a young person’s sexual health charity in Northern Ireland (we also have a clinic). Faced with stigma (that was basically enshrined in law) our education workers were, in the past, unable to outwardly display anything that looked like a pro-choice stance before October 2019. This was not an organisational stance but rather it came from the very real fear of being faced with a legal challenge if we talked about how to procure an abortion. To be in any way linked to abortion was detrimental to the reach of our organisation. 

Operating under the banner of Brook from 1992 until 2017 we were held in disdain by some of those in the community. We were regarded widely as an abortion referral clinic, despite the fact our funding allowed us to only have a contraception function. Even being ‘accused’ of being a referral organisation was enough to alienate us from those in power. Politician, senior civil servants and other public people all spoke openly against our organisation, spreading the fallacy that we were abortion providers. This had a massive impact. We even had GP’s signposting to us, being sent to our door, bags packed, and shaking with nerves. These people had been told we could ‘put them on boat’ and ‘get them sorted’. In reality we couldn’t even give them a phone number.

Perceptions and opinions trickled down and many refused to work with us. We had people calling in asking for information, really pushing for us to give out numbers or help in any way. We couldn’t do more than tell them about the yellow pages or the internet. This may seem callous, but we had people constantly waiting for us to slip up. We had phone-calls and drop-ins which we suspected were tests for anti-choice organisations. The establishment (both society and governmental) did not want to have us operating in any capacity. They hated our sex positive attitude and regarded the morning-after pill as a form of abortion and it is only in the past couple of years that this has this shifted, slightly. Our senior staff were sent death threats and were accosted on the street on the way to their cars. This petty aggression really only served to strengthen the convictions of those they attempted to scare. 

In 2017, we reorganised and changed our name from Brook to Common Youth. After this we saw a growth in the scope, i.e. the types of organisations who were inviting us to deliver our sessions. We were puzzled initially as we thought rebranding would mean we would have to re-establish trust in the community. After some informal probing, it became apparent our new branding was free from preconceived baggage and this loosened the tight constraints the false perception of us had created. 

We move to the present day, in a slightly more progressive Northern Ireland. Whilst the law has changed it is difficult to say how much attitudes have shifted. Through my work as an RSE Educator I am on the front line between policy and people; teaching the law, and hearing the opinions. The programme we run is for 11-25 year olds and takes the form of three two-hour sessions run across consecutive weeks.  As an educator, I believe I am doing young people an injustice if I do not in some way discuss abortion. For some young people even speaking the word is taboo in their households. I am potentially their first – and only – avenue for fact-based information around the service. If you are reading this and thinking it sounds like hyperbole take a look at organisations like Precious Life, and the vast following they have online (I feel horrendous guilt even giving their socials any traffic). This organisation is also invited into schools to give “educational” sessions.   

Abortion is now something that Common Youth discusses in our sessions.  We leave it to the later sessions when the room dynamics have been firmly established, and when it would tend to organically arise from our discussions on pregnancy. The discussion in the room can range from the celebration of the change in legislation to outright condemnation of the pro-choice movement.  It is when I get the latter reaction that I find myself most excited. What I have found as an educator is that it is the young people who say nothing who are the ones that give me most cause for concern. The young people who bring arguments against abortion to the table are, at least usually, open to a discussion. I always praise their ability to speak in an open and respectful manner, and reinforce that the point of every debate is to reach a conclusion, not to offend. The session is probably the first time they’ve ever independently verbalised their opinions, and giving those opinions space in the room is incredibly important. 

Minds are not changed overnight, or in three two-hour sessions, but I do feel I play a role in helping everyone see the two sides. I have tremendous respect for the young people I work with, and it is easy to see the basis of their opinions when we take into consideration the lack of formal, regulated RSE in schools in NI. This means a lot of beliefs around sexuality and sexual health come from parents (who were often educated on the topic by religious leaders).  Abortion remains a treacherous teaching terrain regardless of location. Alongside our own uniquely Northern Irish barriers to educating around abortion, we also have the more global issues – including how gendered education around pregnancy in its entirety can become. We have a long way to come in Northern Ireland but, as romanticised as it sounds, I do genuinely feel we move a step closer with every discussion. 

My Experience

On 25th March 2020, the Secretary of State published the provisions for Abortion in Northern Ireland; my reaction is thwarted with mixed emotions. 

First of all, there is joy that the grassroots movement, spearheaded by Alliance for Choice, was successful in changing the draconian law in Northern Ireland. I cannot sing the praises of this organisation highly enough, their campaign was inclusive, passionate and reasoned, and it is because of the work of their volunteers that we have even come this far. On 22nd October 2019 a bill was passed by Westminster which decriminalised abortion in Northern Ireland and set out to create a provision for how abortion would be carried out in Northern Ireland. Until the passing of this bill it was a prosecutable offence to facilitate or successfully seek an abortion. This means that when I used abortion services in Manchester in 2016, I was forced to break the law in order to practice my right of bodily autonomy.  

The difficulties in teaching abortion is nothing in comparison to the hurdles one must overcome to actually procure one. My experience of abortion has helped inform how I talk about abortion and has fuelled my activism around the subject. In 2016, I found myself with an unplanned pregnancy.

Being unable to access an abortion in my own country (there were abortions being done in rare cases above board, and also some below board) I was forced to travel to England. This ‘trip’ cost me over £900 and left me in dire straits financially for months afterwards.  I had to opt for the more expensive surgical abortion, due to the fact it took time to get the money together, to organise time off work and to physically travel as well. At the time, I often found myself reflecting that money was the only thing that gave me a choice; no law or statute. Abortion was and continues to be a class issue. 

That same year a young woman was given a suspended prison sentence after she pleaded guilty to procuring her own abortion using tablets ordered online. She was reported to the police by her housemates who defended themselves by arguing “if you break the law you have to be punished”. For me, this story encapsulates what I felt at the time; of being under siege by the community I lived in. I felt like an enemy of the people, unable to even tell my own family or friends for fear of being harshly judged, or criminally convicted. 

My story is like any other, and for me the decision was easy. The hardest thing I had to endure however was the public shaming on the street by anti-choice protestors. How these people have the time, never mind the lack of empathy, to stand on streets and harass strangers is something I will never understand. However, what I do fully understand is the negative impact of their actions, and because of this I vehemently believe they should not be allowed anywhere near these clinics.  

Northern Ireland, through Westminster, has changed the law recently. One of the requests made by Alliance for Choice was to ensure that these people were kept a distance away from clinics. This request was not met. This was just one of many disappointments that came from the recent announcement of the provisions for abortion in Northern Ireland. Alliance for Choice were invited to the table with a clear set of demands: No arbitrary limits on weeks’ gestation; No two medic sign-off; No conditionality on health/mental health reasons; No barriers for victims of sexual assault and rape at any gestation; and Buffer zones requirements implemented before services begin, to name but a few. 

None of these were fully met. As with most things in Northern Ireland, the fight never seems to end, and so continues the fights for free, safe, legal and local abortion services for all. Through my experience of being a service user and my time spent working with young people, I have come to a hopeful conclusion: as Northern Ireland emerges from a dark recent history, I am proud of the steps we have made towards becoming an inclusive, progressive society. Through the work that Common Youth does we are helping to create an open space for people to challenge their opinions and grow. The law only changed last year, and already the air seems clearer.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Why ‘virginity’ is a damaging social construct

By volunteer Katy Elliott, With contributions from School of Sexuality Education’s Dr Emma Chan.

During School of Sexuality Education's workshops, students ask us questions about virginity, and these largely come from a heteronormative perspective. In this piece, School of Sexuality Education volunteer Katy Elliott explores this perspective and why re-defining 'virginity' is important for all.

When I was a teenager, ‘virginity’ felt like quite a big deal. I spoke to my friends about ‘losing it’ and I worried I would be the last ‘virgin’ left. I thought ‘losing your virginity’ meant having penis-in-vagina sex and nothing else would count. I’d heard about the ‘hymen’ and worried that when I did have sex, I would bleed and it would be embarrassing. Quite frankly, virginity and sex made me anxious and scared.

I wish I’d had lessons from School of Sexuality Education to set things straight.

At School of Sexuality Education, we work to dispel the myths surrounding the traditional understanding of ‘virginity’. We help young people understand that sex means different things to different people and there is no right or wrong way to have it. We encourage people to do what feels right for them (and any partner/s) and not feel pressured into anything. And we try to deconstruct ideas around ‘virginity’ which can be heteronormative and contribute to gender inequality.

So, what is a social construct?

Put simply, a social construct is an idea created by society. It’s not always something concrete we can see, like rivers, mountains and oceans. Instead, social constructs are how we humans make sense of the world. Social constructs are driven by the ideas and beliefs which exist in our societies. The pressures, myths and expectations surrounding the traditional idea of ‘virginity’ are very much the product of norms and ideas created by us humans.

Why is the social construct of virginity damaging?

1. The focus on penis-in-vagina sex erases other experiences.

Contrary to what the traditional understanding of virginity would have you believe, penis-in-vagina sex is not the only way to have sex. Human beings are a glorious variety of wants, needs and preferences. Sex can mean very different things to different people. The most important thing is doing what feels right for you.

School of Sexuality Education's definition of sex is 'anything that makes you feel horny or aroused'. This means that sex doesn't just have to be between a man with a penis and a woman with a vulva. It can take place between people of varying genders - the same or different to each other. It can take place between people with different or the same types of genitalia, even using different body parts. What makes some people 'horny' might not even involve genitalia (or other people) at all. Examples of sexual activities for some people include oral sex, anal sex, kissing, cuddling, massages, masturbation, and hand-play!

The traditional concept of virginity buys into the idea that the only type of sex that 'counts' is penetrative penis-in-vagina. This ignores the preferences, desires and lived sexual experiences of many people. In doing so it enforces a very particular heteronormative idea of sex and relationships on society.

In addition, many people with a vulva and vagina don’t orgasm from penetrative sex, and get the most pleasure from clitoral stimulation. But because our understanding of what it means to have sex is shaped by this idea of virginity, it’s often thought penis-in-vagina sex is the ‘main’ way to have sex, with the result that people don’t explore other parts of their body, for example the clitoris. Many miss out on a lot of pleasure because they don’t understand that other types of sex exist.

I’ve said it once, but I’ll say it again - the most important thing to remember here is that sex exists in many different wonderful forms and no single type of sex is the most important or valid. Regardless of your sexuality or gender, sex and pleasure is yours to define and experience in whatever way is best for you.

2. The association between purity and virginity serves to police women’s bodies

The idea of virginity equating to moral and personal purity has long been used to control some bodies - usually those seen as female, through a lens of gender as both binary and fixed. Examples of this can be found within ‘Purity Culture’. I spoke to my friend Katie Brookfield, an expert in this area, to give us her thoughts:

Virginity has long been a key factor in determining a ‘woman’s worth’ and therefore their bodies are heavily policed. The emphasis on virginity emerged as our ancestors moved from communal, hunter-gatherer communities to land-owning societies. Keeping land meant having (male) heirs, and therefore it was imperative that there be no question of parentage. The solution? Ensure that a wife or concubine is a ‘virgin’ to secure a pure lineage, land and, ultimately, power. 

My particular area of study is around the relationship between religion and sexuality. From Abraham to abstinence pledges, virginity has been a focal element of a woman’s purity and, consequently, their value. Whilst sexual purity has long been associated with religion  - in many ways because of the link between holiness and asceticism - it is in recent years that it has taken on a whole new dimension. Pervasive within the conservative Christian community, ‘purity culture’ has infiltrated not just churches, but schools, healthcare providers and even governments.

Proponents of purity culture are concerned with both physical and emotional purity, only allowing for two rigid, contrasting gender roles. There is a heavy emphasis on the purity of women and their responsibility to keep male counterparts from ‘stumbling’. They are both controlled by and the gate-keepers of this concept of purity. Physical appearance is heavily monitored, with strict rules on modest dress for young women who have to be aware of their hemline, neckline and even their eyeliner, to ensure men do not look at them lustfully. 

Young people are told to flee from the hypothetical ‘how far is too far’ line, yet this again is the responsibility of the woman. Men are painted as uncontrollable creatures who rely on a pure woman to keep their raging sexuality under wraps until the wedding night - an idea which contributes significantly to rape culture, FYI. Women, on the other hand, are taught nothing of pleasure and desire, but are instead told to ‘guard their heart’. They need to be as vigilant about guarding their emotional virginity as they are their physical. Why? Because whether physical or emotional virginity, a woman gives away a piece of her heart each time. She becomes damaged goods; a used, impure woman unable to give her whole self to her future husband. This ‘purity myth’ controls every aspect of a woman’s body: what they wear, what they think, and what they let between their legs.

3. The hymen is a myth

Like many people, I thought a hymen was a stretchy piece of cling film-like membrane which covered the vaginal opening. I thought it was the same for everyone and you could break it by inserting a tampon, riding a horse, or having penis-in-vagina sex. Turns out that isn’t the case. 

RFSU, a Swedish sex education charity actually prefer the term ‘vaginal corona’ which has no hymen-related myths associated with it. The vaginal corona is made up of folds of tissue and comes in lots of different shapes and sizes. If you deliver a baby vaginally, it can change and become less visible. And in very rare cases, it can cover the vaginal opening completely, requiring medical assistance because period blood can’t leave the body.

The link between hymens and virginity is a social construct. You can’t tell if someone has had sex by looking at their genitalia - the shape and size of the vagina doesn't change size with penetrative sex, nor does the hymen change from penis-in-vagina sex. You may have heard US rapper T.I. 's comments about accompanying his daughter to the gynaecologist each year to check her hymen (and therefore virginity) was still intact. This statement – quite rightly – caused outrage, not least because the practice of ‘virginity testing’ is condemned by the United Nations as a type of violence against women and girls. And also because what this young person decides to do with their body has absolutely nothing to do with their parent. 

In the book Vagina: A Re-education, Lynn Enright discusses how the incorrect belief that people with a vulva will bleed the first time they have sex can be very dangerous. In some cultures, if a person with a vulva does not bleed when having penis-in-vagina sex with their husband for the first time, this is seen as shameful. It can even be used to excuse violence against this individual. Because of this, some doctors in the UK and throughout the world offer ‘hymen repair’ procedures. The procedure involves stitching together vaginal tissue, which will break and cause bleeding upon penetrative sex. As with any surgery, this procedure comes with some risks. It’s also completely unnecessary from a medical perspective, existing purely because of social beliefs which mean it’s expected for a person with a vulva to bleed on their wedding night.

A new social construct?

Social constructs are shaped by human ideas and beliefs. They exist due to human ideas and beliefs. And they continue to exist because humans keep spreading these ideas and beliefs. In the case of virginity, this can be through sex education which puts a lot of focus on penis-in-vagina sex. It can be through religious and cultural ideas which are passed down through generations. It can be through portrayals of sex in movies and porn. And the dominant views and beliefs often win out, sometimes making social constructs resistant to change.

So maybe it’s time that we took charge and actively shaped the social construct of virginity for the better. By teaching young people that sex (and therefore virginity) means different things to different people. By acknowledging that all experiences of sex are valid. And the most important thing? That if, how and when you have sex has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with what’s right for you - and any sexual partner/s, of course.

**We have an online worksheet all about The Virginity Myth using teachable moment from Netflix’s ‘Sex Education’ (suitable for 16+) here.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Preparing to teach Relationships and Sex Education in secondary schools

Since September 2019, School of Sexuality Education has been working with academics at UCL’s Institute of Education – alongside other RSE experts and classroom practitioners – to develop and deliver a short course for trainee teachers. The course is the first of its kind, providing PGCE students with five full days spread across the 19/20 academic year to learn about the background and policy behind RSE in the UK, alongside vital topics such as gender and sexuality identity, consent, inclusivity and sexual health. The programme was developed as part of a knowledge exchange project with our partnership schools on the Secondary PGCE programme, to try and better understand the needs of teachers and schools in London in developing good practice in RSE.

This year, the course participants have included Social Science and Biology PGCE students with some specialists in Physics and Chemistry too. Student teachers opted into the course because they recognise the value of RSE and felt that developing expertise in the area would be important for their future careers in the classroom. The government has also recently acknowledged the need for comprehensive and up-to-date RSE in schools with the release of new guidance which states that the subjects involved ‘represent a huge opportunity to help our children and young people develop.’

During the planning phase for the course, we supported the convenors (Sarah Worton and Alison Wiggins of UCL’s IoE) in designing a series of sessions to offer core RSE knowledge and practical teaching ideas while building an awareness of what a whole-school approach to gender and sexuality inclusivity might look like. The intention was to equip teachers with the skills, knowledge and confidence required to deliver high quality, progressive Relationships and Sex Education. Beyond that, we wanted trainee teachers to feel comfortable in supporting students who had questions or struggles outside of the classroom linked to their gender identity, sexuality or relationships.

On day 1, Professor Jessica Ringrose delivered an intro to gender, sexuality and RSE then School of Sexuality Education’s CEO and founder, Amelia Jenkinson, delivered an interactive session about how to challenge heteronormativity in schools. She shared resources, key points on language and links to government guidance to support trainee teachers in understanding the context of RSE while providing pragmatic classroom solutions. On day 2, trainee teachers heard from Dr Sara Bragg who applied queer theory to our understandings and assumptions around education and young people. Following this, the student teachers heard from Lucy Emmerson (director of the Sex Education Forum) and Rachael Baker (senior RSE specialist at the Sex Education Forum) who discussed the government 2020 RSE guidance and interrogated the idea of ‘age-appropriateness’ in RSE. For day 3, student teachers were visited by Professor Emma Renold (Cardiff University) who shared creative ideas and resources for the RSE classroom based on her work on the Agenda positive relationships resource. All of these days were supported by sessions and talks from the course conveners at UCL.

The ranging perspectives provided by these different professionals, paired with the expertise of tutors and classroom practitioners, has provided great layers of insight for the trainee teachers on the course. One noted that ‘having the guest speakers was helpful… it gave us a community and showed us the array of people that are out there’ while another said ‘I loved having a range of people involved…it’s a really positive thing to have people who have different backgrounds and experiences.’

In the coming months, we hope to cement the learning of those first three days and will ensure that all the trainee teachers involved feel ready to try the ideas in the classroom in September. Being involved in the course has been a great experience for School of Sexuality Education – we’re thrilled to be part of a pioneering programme which is equipping the next generation of teachers with vital skills. We know that many existing teachers are keen to take part in this kind of training too. Like all subjects, educators need training to develop necessary knowledge, skills and confidence in order to teach well. In the coming months and years, we hope to develop opportunities like this one for all subject PGCEs and all teachers, wherever they are in their career. We want feelings of embarrassment to be replaced with empowerment, so that teachers can address important issues head on and support the young people in their care. We’re already certain that those involved in the short course this year will do just that!

If you’re interested in taking part in one of our future teacher training programmes, get in touch – we’d love to hear from you.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

---

Are you a current, prospective or trainee teacher interested in this course? we’d love to hear from you! please email info@schoolofsexed.org

Thank you for looking and feeling like me

written by School of Sexuality Education’S gayathiri KAMALAKANTHAN.

Decolonising Contraception is an organisation that promotes conversation about the unfair and harmful sexual and reproductive health practices that have stemmed from colonisation that impacts people of colour (POC). DC organise spaces to discuss how POC, and especially how queer POC can be empowered presently and in the future, with regard to their own sexual health and education. 

The last panel discussion centred around POC LGBTQIA+ visibility - that is, the importance of seeing queer people of colour in local spaces, particularly, in hospitals and sexual health clinics. And not just that, but seeing people who look like you, openly speaking about their experiences, without shame. 

One of the panelists, Dr Ronx, a queer, black A&E doctor, spoke about how patients in the paediaitric wards they work on open up to them (often for the first time) about their queer feelings. Dr Ronx carefully considers their words when speaking to young people - something which is apparent in their incredibly significant opening question when beginning these conversations: 'Hi, nice to meet you. What are your pronouns?'

There's a lot to learn from this. 

As a Sexual Health Education facilitator, the first interaction I have with students in a session is important - my approachability is key. The colour of Dr Ronx's skin, the androgynous way they present, their open body language and immediately inclusive language mean that young queer patients recognise that Dr Ronx is someone they can confide in. Dr Ronx’s words are simple, but mean that a young person is given the nod to be themselves.

🙌🏿🙌🏾🙌🏽🙌🏼🙌🏻
TONIGHT
We talk all things visibility &access 2sexual/ reproductive health services as brown/black/POC folk.

2many ethnic minority women I speak2 don’t have smears!

Pelvic pain in black/brown women - does anyone care?

Y are we dying post childbirth
etc

Let’s talk https://t.co/DdKuo8POGs

— Ronx (@Dr_Ronx) April 29, 2019

I asked how they talk to young people about sex - a topic which can be sensitive and where one can easily trip up over assumptions about the other person. When having to ask young people about their sexual and mental health for their own safety, I've at times found it difficult to land on the right words.

Aside from the training provided by the NHS to safeguard underage and young people regarding their sexual health, Dr Ronx has had a wealth of practice at asking non-leading, open ended questions:

What do you mean by sex?

Have you put your lips on anyone?

Has anyone put their lips on you anywhere?

Have you touched anyone who has been naked?

Do you like anyone at school?

Are they a boy or a girl? ('male presenting' or  'female presenting' depending on the age and understanding that the patient may have)

Do you feel a fluttering feeling when you see anyone in particular?

Having heard these questions spoken in an understanding and non-bias tone, I'm reassured that conversations with young people about their sexual health do not have to be one-sided interrogations or quick and embarrassing exchanges. People often mirror the feeling and body language presented to them. The more comfortable and non-restrictive we are as adults when talking sex, the more willing, young people will be to share.   

Here's my own experience of visibility in the field of mental health.

I recently finished a block of counselling sessions with my therapist, who is a women of colour. At first, this did not strike me as important - she was a mental health professional and they all did the same job right? Not quite. 

The more of myself I revealed, the more she proved that she was listening and deeply understood my anxieties that stemmed from cultural pressure. It made a difference that she didn't shrug off my dual lifestyle (nice, academic, Hindu daughter at home, queer sexual health educator everywhere else) as unnecessarily over-complicated or dramatic. Her understanding nods and hums were validating and in contrast with other counsellors I have seen who were dismissive of these inherited, cultural  difficulties and the resulting pain.

What an amazing night discussing visibility, access & much, much for #LGBTQIofcolour
‘We need more sex educators like us - showing young people we are here & that we are visible.’ -Saaqib Afzal @Dr_Ronx @sophiedukebox @IdiosyncraticXL @Jo_zinaC #LGBTQIA #decolonisecontraception pic.twitter.com/AvptKIqZxr

— Decolonising Contraception (@DecoloniseContr) April 29, 2019

A black audience member at the last DC event mentioned how her black midwives were the ones who alerted doctors to her continuing, severe pain. They were the ones who gave her the appropriate attention she deserved, who took her seriously and who she credits for saving her life. 'Black women both in the UK and globally have some of the worst reproductive health outcomes; black women are five times more likely to die in pregnancy'.

It's not that I can't be treated or seen by people who don't look like me or who haven't shared my experience. It's that there seems to be a disparity between the outcome of the treatment received by POC and that of their white counterparts.

So yes, visibility - seeing people that look like us - is important.

It gives us the confidence to voice ourselves and to believe that those words will be truly heard. We are emboldened by those in our community who feel like we do and who have said so.

Non-heteronormative, non-white pathways are not well-trodden and every step helps make our experience the known normal. 

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

---

TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT DECOLONISE CONTRACEPTION INCLUDING UPCOMING EVENTS, VISIT THEIR WEBSITE.