An open letter to the BBC

Transphobia in the media needs to stop.

This morning I listened to Justin Webb interview Jo Swinson about her stance on transgender rights and her proposed changes to the Gender Recognition Act. I work for an inclusive, comprehensive and feminist sex and relationships education organisation (School of Sexuality Education) as a researcher and teacher and was appalled to hear Justin's line of questioning (more like attack) on trans rights. The language he used contributes to a media representation of trans people as deviant and dangerous - this needs to be recognised and addressed.

Further to this, he positioned one question by suggesting that feminists are against trans women accessing refuge and support because it puts cisgender women at risk. In my experience, the vast majority of feminists do not support this view and would deem it transphobic. All women experience an increased and gendered risk of sexual violence and trans women, in fact, experience a heightened risk based on Stonewall research. The safety of trans women and cis women should not be a zero-sum game and to suggest that it is misses the point of feminism entirely. All women are women and all deserve protection and respect.

I'm honestly stunned that this kind of offensive and dehumanising rhetoric is being used by a BBC interviewer and feel strongly that Justin Webb owes trans and feminist communities a sincere apology. Words have consequences.

Written by a School of Sexuality Education facilitator to the BBC on 09 December 2019.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

What is sex positivity?

SOPHIE WHITEHEAD SPEAKS TO THE SCHOOL OF SEXUALITY EDUCATION TEAM ABOUT WHAT SEX POSITIVITY MEANS TO THEM.

In our work with young people, we always advocate for a sex positive approach both in the classroom and in general. Sometimes the term can generate a bit of confusion with different interpretations and definitions contradicting one another. This post is about what we take sex positivity to be; how it helps us to frame school workshops and understand the place of sex and sexuality in people’s lives.

If you Google ‘sex positivity’, you’ll find several lists of what is isn’t. These lists rightfully state that sex positivity isn’t about promoting sex, always liking sex, encouraging others to have sex or always talking about sex. Rather, it’s about communicating, respecting, being curious and being open. I spoke to some members of the School of Sexuality Education team to hear their take on the term and their thoughts contributed to the ideas complied here…

Firstly, sex positivity is about communicating without shame or embarrassment. It could be talking to sexual partners about likes and dislikes, wants and needs. It could also be listening to partners about their preferences and, most importantly, being able to have this dialogue in a non-judgemental, honest and open way. This communication goes beyond the here and now too - sex positivity could mean being open to listening to a partner’s past sexual experiences or, conversely, respecting when a partner doesn’t want to have those conversations. The communication should ultimately be a source of empowerment between all people involved to ensure they feel safe, respected and can have fun!

While non-judgemental communication with partners is crucial, sex positivity goes beyond conversations in sexual relationships. It can also be a part of communication between children and families when growing up, or teachers and students at school, about destigmatising masturbation or giving young people the space to ask questions when they do want to explore their sexuality with a partner. The ability to engage in these discussions without shame or taboo is essential for sexual pleasure but it’s also essential for understanding safety and consent. Talking about sex removes its mystique and ensures young people know their rights.

Practising talking about sex as part of sex positivity is also important so that we avoid making assumptions about how someone wants to engage in sex or who with. It means stepping away from heteronormative and monogamy-based assumptions and, instead, working to understand our own and each other’s desires openly and without presumption. There are a variety of sexual preferences and practices – we’re all a little different. Being sex positive is about accepting and learning about that diversity in order to approach sex with a nuanced awareness of everybody’s multi-faceted, fluid sexual identity.

This includes being non-judgemental and accepting about sexual practices that are considered to deviate from the norm. It also means recognising that some people may not want to engage in sex or may want specific limits on this. It’s important to recognise and validate people who are asexual or demisexual, for example. Even though sex is healthy and ‘normal’, it’s not a necessary part of a healthy and normal life. According to School of Sexuality Education facilitator Almaz, ‘we live in a time and a culture where sexuality is conflated with sex acts most of the time and that needn’t be the case, so, for me, sex positivity is about accepting the full spectrum of sexuality.’

This acceptance of the full spectrum of sexuality applies to all ages too. For children, questions about sex and sexuality come from a place of curiosity. School of Sexuality Education facilitator Charlie advocates for the notion of ‘positive curiosity’. This means never judging but asking questions to understand other people’s perspectives and experiences and being open to learning from them. Too often, the curiosity we have around sex and our own sexual desires is framed as negative or taboo, cloaking the topic in feelings of shame. Interpreting this curiosity through sex positivity reimagines it and dismantles the oppressive framework of taboo and judgement, instead creating space for communication and open exploration.

Ultimately, sex positivity is about being non-judgemental, openly communicating and reducing embarrassment around sexuality in its many forms. Research has shown that sex-negativity and shame-oriented narratives have been linked to social problems such as homophobia, sexism, racism and gaps in sex education. Sex positivity can challenge this by avoiding stereotyping and dehumanising language which can prevent people from having important conversations around consent, pleasure and sexual health. Sex positivity isn’t about shouting sex stories or always thinking sex is great. It’s about recognising and affirming the sexual aspect of each person’s identity with all its nuances, wants, questions and needs – shame- and stigma-free.

Thanks to the School of Sexuality Education facilitators Emma, Gayathiri, Almaz, Charlie and Bex for sharing your thoughts for this post.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.

Our take on the school uniform debate

School of Sexuality Education’s Sophie Whitehead explains the issue with school dress codes, and what needs to change.

School uniform is a long-contested topic in British education circles, so much so that it’s now become an overused classroom debate motion for the students themselves. Supporters of traditional school wear think it’s democratic, fosters a sense of school community and improves student focus during lesson time. Conversely, and in our view, more accurately, some argue that it creates additional expense for parents, limits self-expression and has to be policed by teachers, ultimately creating a disruption to learning. As those who spend time in schools will know, uniforms are rarely as democratic as they seem.

The gendered aspect of school uniforms is also at the centre of the debate. Uniform is problematic for non-binary, gender questioning or transitioning students who are made to exist within a system of boy/girl. The enforced binary undermines students’ rights to gender neutrality, fluidity and experimentation and therefore undermines the message of inclusivity and LGBTQ+ support which many schools ostensibly advocate.

In some schools, gender-neutral uniforms have been introduced in a bid to address some of these issues. Though well-intentioned, in practice, these policies can make the whole uniform masculine by enforcing ‘trousers for all’ type rules. Masculinity is coded as neutral whereas femininity is, well, feminine. Alternatively, some schools adopt a gender-neutral uniform policy by stating that all students can wear anything from the clothes available – i.e. ‘girls can wear trousers’. Again, though this is a well-meaning shift, in practice, social convention can mean that girls feel uncomfortable making that shift and so everything carries on as it was.

On top of these problems, we know that school uniform is inherently sexist. Even though many schools now offer trousers for girls to wear, the tightness of those trousers is routinely monitored and disciplined. If not trousers, girls are expected to wear skirts and thin blouses. The length of skirts is measured and the thinness of blouses leads to comments on bras seen through clothing and more. In some draconian cases, girls’ skirts have been blamed for distracting male peers and making male teachers feel uncomfortable. A self-evidently victim blaming suggestion. Add to that the itchy synthetic fabric of tights in the winter months and many girls are left with a choice between cold and discomfort.  

One student we work with commented, “I think it’s important not to call out a girl if they’re wearing too short a skirt or too low cut a top etc in front of the whole class because that’s humiliating, one of my teachers said to a girl “your skirt is very short” and then something along the lines of it’s not covering much. I thought that was really unnecessary, could have easily been said in a more respectful and private way.”

This isolated anecdote exists in different iterations in classrooms nationwide and demonstrates the way sexism and school uniform interact. Though it’s been argued that it’s is all in favour of smartness and pseudo-professionalism, misogynistic ideas about what constitutes professional clothing are evident in school dress codes. From skirt lengths to exposed collar bones, uniform enforcement goes hand in hand with the sexualisation of young women. It’s a uniquely gendered phenomenon.

At School of Sexuality Education, the work we do seeks to counter rape culture, victim blaming, binaries and body shaming. It seems that school uniform in its current form, even with attempts at gender neutrality, undermines the messages we often share in classrooms. Though some educators have tried, it’s hard to know whether a progressive uniform policy can exist, given the legacy it would be following on from. With this in mind, for us, no uniform is the way forward. We advocate for school policies which allow all young people the freedom to dress in a way that feels right and comfortable for them. No gender rules. No skirt measuring. No sexism. No binaries.

Illustrations by Evie Karkera, unless otherwise credited.

Our book ‘Sex Ed: An Inclusive Teenage Guide to Sex and Relationships’​ ​ is out​ ​now.